Clan of the Cave Mountie part 1

By: Lopaka Tanu

Beta By: Connie, Thanks and Love to you!!!!!!!

Warning: FLUFF, AHHHHHHHHH! *High pitched screams* Run for your life! Slash, *ooos and ahhs*. Smut, *Wolf Whistles and Cat Calls* oh, and a little violence, some bad language, and a couple OCD's (original character's death).

Disclaimer: I am a sad, sad person, I own nothing but my twenty plants, eight cats, and yes, *Hangs head in shame* a Karaoke machine.

Summary: Where in a drug bust goes bad, Mounties prove that Yanks are not the only rude Americans, Kowalski learns the art of Yoga while wearing a dog collar, and it's Dief's turn to stare.

Author's Note: No matter what the warning said, this is not a fluffy bunny, only if that bunny was skinned, deep fried, and made in to a hat! Another thing is that I have no idea about the topography of the region between Canada and Chicago, so if you are going Hunh, get a clue, I know not what I say, this is only for fun.

Pairings: F/K, K/T, F/K/T and F/T. Mentions of others, but nothing graphic *Collective sigh of relief.*

Happy Birthday Tara!!!!!!


Okay, the day sucked right from the start. I take that back, it blew, not only that, its whole family fuckin blows. You take all the hookers in New York, Chicago, LA, and all of Nevada, and you still wouldn't have nearly enough suction. Gettin the picture?

Good. Cause if you aint, yer gettin a kick in the head.

Now where was I, oh yeah, it sucked. So here I was, mindin my own business, waitin for this deal to go down and who do I happen to see come in and ruin it, that's right, little red riding Mountie the second. The first was not far behind with Dief, the dog looked like he knew shit was about to happen so he was stayin back.

Smart dog, er wolf, what the fuck ever.

Point is, damn Dief was stayin back from the two gang bangers and the undercover officers when the Boyscouts in red come up and start telling about the evils of drugs. Smart move, the bangers pull guns, the police pull guns, and all hell breaks loose. Instead of firing on the police or the Mounties, the druggies dump their stash on'em and flee the scene. I whip out my glasses all cool like, already got the gun ready, and bam bam, they're down, no knee caps, and I'm all good.

Back up comes in, takes away the crybaby perps, and I'm at the side of the two biggest freaks in the history of Chicago. What do I expect when I get there? Certainly not what I got! The cops are off to the side using the butts of their guns to hammer at ants on the concrete, and the Mounties are starin at me like I am prime rib. Naturally I am all calm and collected and questioning after their health.

"What the fuck were ya thinkin? Are you insane?" Like I said, I was asking about their health. Do they appreciate it, no, the ungrateful Mounties or as I like to call them, Freak and Freak Jr., start growling at me. I back off slowly and raise my gun like any normal cop with a special interest in staying alive.

They take this as a sign of submission, and move at me. Big mistake, I take aim. Before I can shoot however, grandma with the big teeth and the frozen ass comes in and blocks my way. So I do what I have to, I cock my gun.

"Put down the gun, detective."

"Get out of my way, Ice Queen, them aren't your Mounties."

"I said lower your weapon! Constable get your hands off me!" Somethin got a hold on her. Right up between the legs, a hand goosed her. I think it was Turnbull's cause the hand was larger than Frase's. She said hands, but I only see the one. The Mountie wrapped around her waist sniffen at her pants is blockin the rest of the way.

"I told ya, they aint yer Mounties."

"What in the name of the Queen have you done to them?" Her eyes were shootin daggers, but her face was contorted in what I can only assume was uneasiness cause it aint a look I want to ever see again.

"We were trying to get a bust on some new drugs that are out on the street. A sample was needed by the DEA. We were just about to broker a deal when the Hardy boys here busted in! Just what in hell were you doin anyways? The consulate is on the other side of the city."

Her eyes narrowed as she spoke with as much venom as possible. "We were out helping the neighborhood as was requested by your commissioner. My constables saw this drug deal going down and decided to intervene while I called the police. Now lower your weapon, or I will have your badge followed by your head." That low, deadly tone might have made me fear for my life, if she didn't have a Mountie's face in her crotch. At the time, she looked like it was the most natural thing in the world for her.

So what was I to do, I lowered my gun. Big mistake, that is when they were on me. I had one sniffen at my pants and the other at my hair, three guess as to which was which. Glaring at the Ice Queen, I was calm. "Are you satisfied? Cause if the back up sees me like this, then I'm a dead man." Speakin of which, where the hell were they, it didn't take five men to shackle two downed perps. Then I remembered that two of Chicago's finest were takin a walk on the wild side, so that left me as the meat in a Mountie Sandwich.

"I assure you, this will reflect worse for me, than ever possible for you." She clapped her hands together in two quick bursts. "Constables!" They stopped rubbin on me like a couple of hungry tabbies, and faced her. "Let the detective go this instant." When she took a menacing step forward, they backed up, but kept themselves between me and her. "I said, let him go."

Perfectly calm and reasonable. Only thing is, these drugs make you rely on your crocodile brain or something. That little something that makes you smarter than a chimp is asleep for the better part of a day on a regular dose. Judging from that cloud, and how deeply the Mounties breath, I would say they took in... You know, I don't think I updated my will since the divorce. Stell, kiss my turtle for me.

She takes another step forward, and again we step back, me because they got me by the arm and the nuts. Just because we are partners, Frase, doesn't mean you got the right to hold the jewels. Let go, no, not tighter. Let go, I said let go. Oh shit, I said let go, that is not letting go! Mayday, goin down, I am bent forward tryin to protect my guys from the vise known as Fraser's hand. If the Inspector was a cat, her fur would be all puffed out, but as it was, I couldn't care less.

All through this, I noticed, Dief was whining. When she took another step forward, actually starting to growl, he high tailed it out of there. Smart dog!

It was in the next instant I was being picked up in strong arms. I was wondering what was goin on when I heard the sirens. Great, the uniforms are comin with the horns blaring, and the Uggs are gettin spooked. I try to struggle for all I'm worth, but they club me with my own gun. My last thoughts were of some sort of caveman bullshit goin on, but I was the wrong sex! Or was I? It was in those crazy few seconds as my brain short circuited that I realized neither Mountie had ever had a single sexual date while I had known them.

And now time for Ray Jerry Springer-Kowalski's final thoughts. "Out there, if you are listenin, then take note of this and heed my advice. If you are ever out, and get kidnapped by two crazed Gay Cave Mounties, make sure you carry lube. Thank you and good night."


When next I came around, we were in God only knows what. I strongly suspect it was a sewer pipe cause of that strong smell. I don't remember much because the Uggs took one look at my eyes opening and clocked me again. There was no pain, and no goose eggs, so I figure being courteous was some sorta natural instinct for them. You know, I could write a term paper on these freaks, call it 'Mounties by Breeding.' Nah, probably like being gay or bisexual, never understand what causes it.

After that, I was in and out for probably what amounted to three hours. When I woke up, for good this time, I realized we were in the woods. They had settled down for the night, had a fire going, and game cooking over it. For some unknown reason, I had been able to retain my glasses through the whole thing, that is how I was able to make out exactly what they were cooking. Trust me when I say you don't want to know, but I, being the nice person I am, will tell you anyways. Over the fire was skunk, skinned and roasting. The skin was drying out next to the fire, already treated by whatever chemicals they use to preserve it.

My abductors were over to one side attempting to weave something together. They were arguing over which way it should be done, well as much as two polite Cave Mounties can. When Freak Jr. finally took and ripped it apart by accident, Freak sighed and tossed in on the fire. They were doing something with plant leaves and vines, trying to make blankets I later found out. When Turnbull had ripped it, Fraser decided it wasn't worth the effort because he had another idea to keep warm.

When he looked at me, I nearly stood and bolted. I knew this wasn't going to be a pleasant trip. No sirrie, not with two big, drug enhanced Mounties cold, hard, and horny. What was I to do when they started over like two big cats? The only thing possible, I began to whimper.

Worked like a charm. Their protective instincts kicked in and I was once again in the middle of a Mountie sandwich being rubbed and cooed over. This is what a cat must feel like in the middle of a group of two year olds. My head was the only thing visible, but even my hair was being stroked. I was seriously considering clawing and hissing my way out.

After a while, dinner started to smell like it was burning and they reluctantly let me go. I took the chance and tried to escape. I didn't get five feet before I had both Frase and Turnbull on my back. This earned me a sore ass as they decided to spank me. That is one thing I will never get used to, hated it when I was a kid, hated it then. Though it hurt, I learned I would never get far with these two around. I had to wait until at least one of them was away, drug the other, then make my escape.

Where they got the rope from, I don't know, but they tied a knot around my ankle and the other end to a stake in the ground. I swore they would die for this if nothing else. I spent the rest of the night trying to get my foot free of the noose to no avail. In the morning they had rested enough to continue on with their journey. My mode of transportation during this was being tied hands and feet over a pole and hung beneath it like some sort of prey. After the first nips at Turnbull's crotch, they stuffed a foul tasting gag in my mouth.

So as it was, I was toted between them as they made the long trek to where the hell ever we were going. Let me tell you, bouncing around by your wrists and ankles is extremely painful on the joints. After a while my body was numb enough for me to fall asleep. All through the day I kept having images of being felt up by Mounties like a basket of fruit. It was pretty erotic except for the part where it was all real.

By the end of the second day, I was ready to give my left nut for a police baton and a free shot at both Canadians. As it was my left nut was about the only part of me not hurting. They had stopped twice to let me use the little detective's room behind a tree. Of course their watching me the whole time defeated the purpose of being modest. I had to force myself to go because little Ray was too shy other wise. As for them, modesty was nothing to be ashamed of. In fact they were proud to display what they had. Out of curiosity I took a peek, you know, just to compare. I got twenty feet before they got me that time.

I took back what I said earlier, by then I was ready to give both nuts for a chastity belt with a Mountie proof lock. The way they would watch me as I walked made me become self-conscious of the way I looked right away. From then on I tried every thing possible to become less attractive. I farted at all moments, burped, basically did everything Stell had thought she trained out of me. It was all to no avail.

That night was Turnbull's turn to watch, literally.


We had been running along a creek towards the end of the day, well I had, they had been chasing me. I finally got away for all of ten minutes. Then super Mountie had burst out of the woods, dumb ass grin on his face and wrapped me up in his arms. I thought it had been too easy, Turnbull fall asleep at his post, I don't think so! Fraser had let me be for the most part, the stake was driven in wet earth, right away I should have known it was a trap.

So I waited until I got my chance, idiot that I am. When Turnbull started to snore, I yanked the stake up, and ran for the hills. Not the smartest thing to do with two expert trackers but at least it would take them a little time to get to me again and in that time I might as well get to know the lay of the land.

Bad choice of words!

Now I am wrapped in a Mountie bear hug. He is so strong, and yet gentle as he walk-carries me back to the camp. All the time he is either kissing my neck, or rubbing against me. When in the light of the fire again, I can see he is still in that Serge. And the damn thing is still spot less, Turnbull's too. Damn them both!

They seem to be grunting over something, probably who gets to have their way with the Detective first. Turnbull is getting aggressive, he is using those big Mountie lips to pout. Fraser aint buying it, he shook his head no and grunted. The pout is now real as Turnbull turns away and crosses his arms. A few grunts from Fraser, probably the Ugg equivalent of 'no hard feelings, just members'. Turnbull snorts, but shakes his head yes.

After the polite version of chest beating, it is time for the victor to claim his prize. Fraser narrowed his eyes in lust, and zeroed in on the target, my ass. Yes, I now have a new sympathy for women, for two days I have been nothing but a piece of meat for these ... animals! This is not what I signed up for, I don't want to be a Mountie's Bitch!

He slowly walks his way over to me, exaggerating his hip thrusts with each step, letting me know he is trying to be seductive. All the way he is slowly unbuttoning that uniform, slipping it from his shoulders when done. He flexes a couple times for good measure, then slips out of the suspenders.

Oh! Is it getting hot, must be the fire.

Fraser turned around and now I am watching him... unlace his boots. Slowly, oh so slowly he is easing them open and then off his big feet. Dear God, I hope that is not a sign of things to come. Bad choice of words, Kowalski! He shakes that tight ass a couple times as he finishes, then stands up erect. Shit, why don't you just spread'em and lay back already?

He is smirking as he faces me again. Bastard. If'in I didn't know better, I would say on some level he had planned this. There is a pause, then he slowly trails his hands down his firm abs over that shirt and those old-fashioned long johns. He unbuckles the Sam Browne, and leaves it there as he undoes the button and zipper. A moment more and he is turned around and bending forward showing off his ass as he slips the jodhpurs down.

I have been breathing slowly during this whole time, I am trying to avoid the large, white elephant trunk... uh, I mean white elephant! The pants are gone and he is starting to slip out of the shirt, but still facing me, the long johns aren't completely buttoned in the back. They are giving me a wonderful peek at those tighty whiteys. It has been too long, I am getting hard over a peek at some guy's boxers ... not! I am not getting hard at some guy's boxers.

He is back facing me again, smirk in place. I wanna kiss that look off, just muss up his hair, screw up that perfection with the well fucked look.

Shut the fuck up!

In a bold move, he has yanked the red long johns open in a single flourish. Of course being a perfect Mountie, not a button is missing. In an instant he is out of them and standing at attention directly in front of me. That's right folks, Benton Fraser's boxers are the kind that only have a button at the top, so that means the uncut version of Canada's crowning achievement was winking at me. That was the moment I decided to be truthful with myself.

Fraser as a Cave Mountie is so hot!

The next moments are a blur of lust induced frenzy. Needless to say he got out of them boxers fast, I had cotton fibers in my teeth, and Cave Turnbull got an eyeful, literally! My clothes migrated from my body to a pile near the fire and Fraser was on me like a cheap suit.

There was licking, sucking, tasting, biting, and that was just the kiss. He had me laid out on my back and spread like a prize banquet in a snap. It was times like this I thanked the stars for cave Mounties for he was ever considerate as he fingered me ready with God only knows what he used for lube. A moment more and he was on the launch pad, ready for take off.

He was very big, I was to learn he and Turnbull were roughly the same size, so he took things slow, at first. Slowly he stuck it in me, you know, kinda hard, and hot at the same time, wanna make you squirm kinda deal. God it was hot! Push in, slowly, too slowly, I was growling it was so slow. But he would have none of it until he was all the way in, and then not until I had gotten adjusted.

Once we got that out of the way, a few winces of pain, and a general, 'what am I thinking cause yer touchin my brain' moment, we were all set to go. He pulled out, and slammed back in. Let me tell you, it hurt, but felt better the second time. Slowly drawing out, and then a quick slam back. I felt like he was torturing me. It hurt, but it felt so weird, and good. I just wanted to curl around the sensations it produced.

After what felt like a short time later he was grunting and heaving. His eyes rolled up in the back of his head as he groaned and slammed home really hard. I felt it spray inside me, burning everything it touched, sorta like wax on yer dick. That was it, I was curling toes, biting lips, arching back, and screaming as I came. My eyes had long disappeared in my squinting lids.

I don't remember much after that, there was the waking up a few moments more to see Turnbull finish with a grunt. Frase was still passed out on top and in me. Still hard as a rock and slowly sticking to me as the semen solidified. I was too damn tired to care, so I passed out again.


The following morning, I awoke to my usual traveling position and view, Turnbull's crotch. I was strapped over the bar again as they trudged along through the wilderness. We were probably going to be gone for a while due to the fact my stick was laidened down with furs and food.

They weren't planning on going back.

Why should they when they had all the comforts a man could want. Good food, clean air, plenty of hunting, prey, a warm fire, and tight piece of ass! That's right, I am a necessity for any wilderness experience. It just isn't a home without your own personal piece of Polish ass. Who in hell did I piss off to be stuck playin pin cushion to the two biggest dicks this side of the Prime Midden... or Medea, or what the fuck ever?

Point is ... well I got one of them last night and if that bulge is anything thing to go by, Turnbull will be getting his across loud and clear. Just for extra emphasis, he plans to drive it home all night. Well, it could be worse ... at least I can't get pregnant. Just imagine the hell that would be. Me at home barefoot and waddling as they are out killing things with sticks and rocks.


Not me! No way!

I will be a flesh mattress to them any day of the week, but I will not be the little woman. Get somebody else!

But like I said, good thing I can't get pregnant.

While I am musing on these things, Turnbull has apparently decided that I am *stimulating* and has become a pain in the neck. Each step I get a poked in the head. And he likes it too. Oh, this is so not good.

When you get back to normal and untie me, Freak Jr., I am going to kick you in the head so hard you are going to be able to sniff your own ass!

In the mean while ... poke, poke, poke, poke....


By the end of the third day, I was feeling like shit again. I was in no mood for Turnbull's overtures, call me crabby, but I just don't think someone should have to have sex while they are not in the mood. So he was doing a good impersonation of a teen guy with blue balls. Been there, done that, call me when it actually works.

So he was put out for the rest of the night cause I wouldn't. I curled in to a ball and slept fitfully as my body adjusted to the weather. This was not something I had ever done in my life, and I had a feeling things were only going to get harsher. To make matters worse, that night it rained until dawn.

The morning found us in an old growth forest with a heavy mist on the ground and a thick fog in the air. I felt like fairies would come from the mists at any moment. With my luck they would be wearing Serge. Instead my big strong Mountie type people just stuck a collar around my neck and waist so they could lead me on and carry the deer they snagged last night.

My wrists and ankles thanked them. But I didn't. After all, I have a right to be ungrateful. Hello, they copnapped me! Greatness, I got an unsympathetic audience who probably thinks it's the best thing that ever happened to me. Yeah, bein the love slave to slick dick Mounties is the coolest, it's just the most!

That was sarcasm, ya lousy, airheaded bitches!

Now where was I? Oh yeah, I was walkin along being led like a dog through the trees by my handlers. Very dignified position. Especially when I have a Mountie spendin most of the time with his hand on my ass, steadying me, helping me keep pace, and being an all around nice guy. What did I do to deserve such loving, caring individuals?

I think if I get any luckier I just might have to kill myself. Oh God I am being groped again. From the looks of things, I am going to get lucky again tonight. A horse, my Mounties for a horse, or is that hung like one? I sigh, this is all inevitable I guess, might as well enjoy it.

I wonder if he will be as good as Fraser? Which one will be the better one? Will they compete over me, try to prove who is the better lover? Guess they are going to have to use all their skills. Fraser has some nice tongue action, but I know where he has stuck that thing.

Oh he is groping again. He must be harder than a rock by now. Maybe a little flex of the ass muscles. Was that a strained groan? Good, suffer baby, suffer! Squeeze again, more moaning, another squeeze and.... and he is humping me through my clothes.

Get off, get off, down Turnbull, down! Bad Mountie! Let go! Get off! No! I take that back. Let go, no, not on me! Damn you! Great now I am covered in spunk, right through his Serge, he is going to die when he learns what he has done to the sacred uniform. But gotta admit, must have some strong pumping action to shoot through that material...

That is not a good thing. I am going to die! He is going to fuck me to death, shoot my brains out with his cum. A little confused, coming and going at the same time. But what a way to go. Maybe worth the effort.

Hell no, I'm gonna die, and the Mounties are going to skin me like one of their prized pets. Oh man, this really sucks. I wish it were someone who deserved to die, someone like may be... Ray Vecchio! Now if there was ever a man who deserved to die from having his brains shot out, it would be him.

Shit and I am still sore from Fraser the human battering ram. What am I going to do about ta night? I can't fake it again, not after all this teasing. Do you think he would accept I am on my period? Nah, he is too smart to fall for that crap. Shit shit shit!

I think I will have to just lay back, spread'em and wait for it to be over, cause there is no getting out of this one. Stell said she did the same when she filed for divorce. If she can fake that good, I think I can too. What was it she said she did to take her mind off it? Oh yeah, she thought about her political career. I aint got one so that means I gotta think of something between then and now. At the rate we are walking I will be too tired to even think, may be I can just sleep through it.

Yeah, that might work. Who cares how responsive I aint, just so long as he gets off and leaves me alone. Boy it is going to be long in coming. Stupid, wrong words! Oh fuck it, fuck me, while I am at, fuck you!


Unlike with Fraser, Turnbull didn't wait until we got out of our clothes to get at me. The first thing he did when we stopped for the night was pin me to a tree and stick his tongue down my throat as he groped me through the dirty jeans. No floor show, just straight to the main act. I felt like a piece of prime beef rare, and I was about to get eatin.

Okay, enough of the metawhores. Plainly as you can see I was about to get fucked, and that is the polite term folks! Yeah, it was a pretty site for a porno too. Clear late spring day, trees hanging over us, petals from a flowering tree falling around us in a breeze strong enough to move limp hair. Nothing to hold it up, and no brush for it, my hair was even more unruly.

Near by a creek was flowing water in a cascade, I could hear it, pretty thing normally. Right now all I cared about was... Oh who gives a... Hoooo, yeah! That's it!

As I was saying, he had me plastered against a tree, not the most comfortable place to be, let me tell you. But it was totally hot the way he had me there. This is the shit they should be putting on those porno's, not a bunch of copies of the same guy attempting to appear sexy. Hell, even Ron Jeremy is sexy in the right setting.

So here I am, being mauled, and one'na his hands snakes down and is unfastenin my belt an' pants before I can say how do. But that is just greatness, here is a guy that knows what he wants. It just so happens I am willin to give it. I know, such a noble sacrifice for the cause, oh the humility

His other hand is working on his pants, like I said, right down to business. Nothing is gonna stop this freight train, not even his sacred uniform. He is going to be regretting this when he comes around. I guess not all things are genetic, unlike Frase, he is ready to get it on even in half uniform. My kinda guy.

Finally the jerking on the front of my pants is gone as a breeze takes its place, he got it open. Turnbull is good, he doesn't even brake off from the weird breathing, open mouthed kissing we have been doing the last five minutes. My pants are yanked down, and Turnbull's hands are on my ass lifting me up. So without further ado, I wrap my legs around and mount the Mountie.

Unlike me, he is completely naked. Now I know a few things, like how it takes to get a person undressed while making out, even when you know how to undo every piece of clothing in the dark with your eyes closed, a blind fold in place, and hand cuffed, don't ask, but there is no way in hell he could have gotten out of that uniform that fast. Hell I know what the guy wears underneath, I wore his uniform before, I know! There is only one other option...

A cold, slick hand around my ass hole, coating me with the same shit Fraser had used. Soooooooooooo, my evil partner is helping out his subordinate. Guess I was wrong about the uniform thing. Oh well, there are other times for my kinks.

Then I freeze.

How in hell did this happen? I mean three days, and I am already a slut? Three fucking days? Is that all it takes to corrupt one of Chicago's finest? I mean I was willing to bite the bullet, take one for the home team, but to just sit back and spread them on demand? Have I really sunk that low in my life? Never in all my life had I felt so ... dirty.

This doesn't happen to a guy! We are ready for sex, whenever, wherever! We don't care who our partner is, just so long as they are relatively clean, and open for sex, so are we. So why do I feel cheap all of a sudden?

Another thing, how long have I been thinking of my partner, and ... my other partner this way? I have a hard time believing this is just a spur of the moment kinda deal. Now that I think about it, I have been looking forward to this all day, all three days if I am honest. Finally get to corrupt the innocent, naive Turnbull. Damn, that makes me hard all by itself.

So why the introspection?

Well, it is kinda last minute conscious check here. Like a 'are you sure' window before you delete something on the computer. Well, what am I waiting for, click the yes button already!



Data deleted. Thank you for using Kowalski consciousness, a seldom used product!

Hey, I don't need ya, that is why. See, Turnbull is just... HELLO! Nice to meet ya, Turnbull. My grandma, what a big dick you have!

Oh, God, get it out, get it out, get it out! Okay, stay calm, don't panic, you have gone through this before, it is just like two nights ago. Stay calm and he will... not give you time to adjust! Hey now! Oh! That one... oh!

IN, and out, IN, and out. And I am going to lose my mind at this pace. Friction is normally good, but he ... is... drivin... me... AH!

Body ... clenching, fists, and toes ... shaking. Back scraping against tree, thanking shirt! Ass scraping, cursing Turnbull as cumin on said Mountie. I look at him, and his face is screwed up, where have I seen the look before... Two nights ago... My eyes bug out as I remember. Too late, too late!

He's cumin!

All hands, brace for impact!

He cries out, and I hold tight with my legs. He cums. And he cums. And he cums. Still cumin. Somebody get the mop bucket, we got a clean up in aisle four. Call the plumber while yur at it, he still aint shut off.

He shudders once, twice and then collapses against me, we slide down the tree, and he's through. Before we even hit the ground he is asleep.

As I lay there boneless, hands are moving the giant off me, and cleaning him up. It is Fraser. His movements speaks of long practice and patience. So this is not Turnbull's first, but it doesn't bother me. Whoever had him before doesn't have'em now.

Too exhausted to help, I just lay there looking around. We landed on the blankets we have been using for ground cover, again, I don't know where they got it. There is a deer skin pillow near by, apparently they smoked the skin over the coals of the fire while I was complaining of a head ache, shrinks the pores like Stell's old make-up.

If the setting sun is anything to go by, I think we are moving north. Great they are taking me home. I used to do that all the time when I was a kid, was the bane of my mother's existence for a while. It stopped when Dad had the runs, and took a shit on the duck in the toilet. Got bit on the keester a couple times before he got away from it. Now that was a funny site, my old man holding his pants up and being chased by a shit covered duck. I never brought another pet home after I saw it hanging off the back porch drying in the sun.

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