By: Lopaka Tanu

Disclaimer: I do not own Dawson's Creek, though I wish I owned Joshua Jackson.

Fandom: Dawson's Creek

Warnings: Sexual Situations, Language, Violence, Character Death, Angst, Hurt/no comfort, Mpreg, and Abandonment, Basically Pacey's Life.

Pairing: Pacey Witter/Nick Taylor - mentions of Joey/Pacey Dawson/Joey Dawson/Gretchen Gretchen/Nick Drew/Joey.

Summary: Pacey knew life was going to screw him one way or another. Being the progressive person he was, he made a decision and chose to ride it. This time, the consequences weren't what he was expecting.

Rating: Nc-17

Category: Slash AU.

Style: POV narrative.

Part 1

Okay, so here is the part where I begin the excuse that was my life. You know, that part in all big stories that justifies all the mistakes I made that brought me here where I get judged. Not so, my friend. Nope, not Pacey Witter, nothing will ever earn me that kind of chance. There is no, 'but I had no choice, I was made to do it' in this story.

It was my life and I don't give a damn what you or anyone else thinks. Whether or not you would have made the same decisions, really doesn't matter. You see, here is the part that counts, it was my life, my choice, my decision. No right or wrong, good or evil, it simply was. Life is pretty much like that, kiddies, get used to it.

I bet you are getting a little pissed off at my flippant attitude right now. So what. You wouldn't be the first person to get mad, and I can handle that. Anger is nothing new to me. Neither is being disappointed, let down, disgusted, rage to the near point of strangulation and a host of other emotions I seem to bring out in other people. It's a gift, what can I say.

Now that we got the general, 'I am an ass, get used to it', crap out of the way, lets get right down to it. So, okay, there are a few things you need to know that are kinda important if you wish to continue.

For starters, my name is Pacey Witter, son of my father, also Witter. What his name beyond dad, father, ass hole, Sheriff Witter is of no consequence. I got three older siblings, possibly four, who knows, who cares? Not me, not you, moving on. But for this story you need to know more about them, but not at this moment. Back to me. I am seventeen at this point, will be eighteen in a month and a half.

I am an all American screw up, barely getting by on my paycheck and my grades. I live with my older sister Gretchen after my older brother Dougie kicked my loser ass out. Seems he is kinda pissy about having uninvited relatives messing up his pristine home, 'casa de dickhead', formerly 'casa de princess', changed when he proved he 'wasn't gay' by dating a girl. Yeah, right. So Gretchen comes home from college, moves in with Dougie and I get the boot. I move to my boat, may she rest in peace. Then Gretchen decides she doesn't like the pressure of a high maintenance brother and finds this shit hole of a rental and voila, here we are.

Born in Capeside, Mass, I have lived there all my life. Townie, that's the word they use to describe people like me. Nothing wrong with it aside from the fact that people are so small minded as to believe being home towned is like having AIDS or something. Not so, my friend, definitely not so. You see, I see the bigger picture, I know that this might be as good as it gets so I don't rock the boat. That and I can't seem to earn good enough grades to get the hell out, but that's neither here nor there.

Next up is my sister Gretchen, bitch and big sister extraordinair. Of the Witter girls, she is the only one even mildly tolerable. She is twenty one, five-four, and weighs around.... Whatever, lets not go there or else she might kick my ass again. She is single guys, don't let Dawson get her, she is free for the taking! However, you hurt her and I will kick your ass. Just a fair warning, she is a my big sis after all.

Her stats are as follows. Twenty-one, female, hair color this month, brown with golden highlights. Dropped out of college after her sophomore year because of an ass hole boyfriend and a few other problems that were caused by said ass hole. Gretchen is a confused person, she doesn't know what she wants out of life and has been burned so badly by her experiences that she probably never will. She's my sister and she loves me, so I guess she has a big heart. Or something.

After her, there is Dougie. My oldest sibling, first born does not mean best. Dougie agrees with my father so often that I am starting to wonder if I should check if his hand is up Dougie's ass. Which is so disgusting I can't believe I just said it. But its the gods honest truth, the man might as well be speaking for him. Dougie is a deputy in my father's sheriff's office. He is also 'not gay', considering my story, I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Not. The man is queerer than a three dollar bill. He should have 'Leather Bitch' tattooed on his ass. He's so gay that Tinker Bell would take lessons on being a better fairy from him! He is the poster boy for 'Closeted'. He puts the O-U in Out! Face it, people, the man is gay.

Next on our hit parade is my former, and forever clueless, girlfriend, Josephine Potter, Joey for the common. I used to hate this girl with a burning passion, I thought she was whiny, narcissistic, bitchy, stupid, and just plain old boring. Then I thought I got to know her, found all those flaws as qualities and fell stupidly head over hills. Broken hearts floating from my eyes, tongue lolling in my mouth, chest cracked and blood gushing from the gaping hole kinda love. Yeah, I am being a little conservative on how hard I fell for her.

Then I got to know the real Josephine Potter. The one who couldn't take a hint even if it walked up to her, bitch slapped her, and then took her lunch money. Her problems were always way more important, and when I tried to help her, I got my head bitten off. Honestly, I don't know why I did it for so long. It wasn't for the sex, we never got that far, which should have been my own clue-by-four. The girl has intimacy issues, and that's putting it mildly. Plus, she's ugly. I can say it, she is ugly. Yes, Joey Potter is ugly. Ugly, meet Joey Potter, Joey, Ugly. What, you already know each other, what are the odds?

You want proof? Keep your pants on, we aren't through the introductions yet. Now where was I? Oh yeah, Joey Potter was my girlfriend. She was book smart, but couldn't see the rest of the world, or me for that matter. So bye bye, Joey, bye bye.

And next in our list of casting credits is Dawson Leery. The last name is all the warning you need of how to feel about this boy. He thinks he is the center of universe, or at the very least, his own TV show. That boy has some major narcissism issues. He and Joey were best friends since they were practically embryos. Of course this shows that they are both stuck on themselves and each other. You usually can't find one without the other tagging along near by.

He fancies himself the right film buff, basically he knows the book facts but not the people facts. His top social skills are something out of soap opera, usually wildly exaggerating emotions. A sad fact about him is that people have given into him so often he has a Messiah complex, or in his terminology, a Charlton Heston post Ben- Hur. Basically what it boils down to is Dawson is always right, or he will use that massive forehead to smite you with. Kneel before the great and powerful Dawson, ye sinners!

Another fact on his bad list of bad attributes of bad things, Dawson is after my sister, again. It wasn't cute five years ago, it isn't cute now. Sure, you might think the sight of big dumb Dawson mooning over a girl would be funny, but trust me, it is far from it, very far from it. Especially since that girl is my sister. Back off, movie moron!

More recent additions to our soap opera includes Jen Lindley, the former bad girl turned reform student. All this gal needs is a catholic school girl uniform and... Ow! She really needs to get over this need to hit me. So the girl has been dealt a bad hand most of her life, so have we all. Thing is, Jen doesn't take it lying down, well most of the time. Ow, again! You know, Jen, you really need to learn some people skills aside from batting your eyes and beating the thunder out of people for saying the truth.

Back to Jen's bio. She came to Capeside after yet another round of drunken, drugged out benches in New York. Jen then moved in with her Grams and Grand Dad. Her grand dad died a few years back and sent her back into the arms of drunken living and our resident badass, Abby Morgan. Morgan died, Jen got kicked out, and she became a Leery by reputation and residence. Pay attention, this is very important. Jen was abducted by the Dawson and forced to be his friend. Ow!

Okay, so she was his ex-girlfriend by the time this happened, but don't let that fool you, she was still pretty much a cool chick. Before I continue with Jen, you need to know her little sister, Jack.

Jack isn't little in any way, believe me, I checked. Hey, I got a lotta story to tell, let me get on with it, you perves. Fact of the matter, Jack is just a little bigger than average, but lets just keep that to ourselves. Jack is Capeside's obligatory gay man. You gotta have one or else it just isn't an American town.

Way back when there was a Ms. Andy McPhee, Jack's twin sister, I dated her. She left to get some help because of trauma induced schizophrenia. Cheated on me, then dumped me when she returned. Tried getting me back, but by then I already had my ticket for the Joey express. So we became friends.

Late last year she took some happy pills a dick head named Drue gave Jen of which she lifted from her. They didn't mix well with her antidepressants and she ended up in the hospital and Jen ended up on the shit. I would have done something to make Jen feel better, but I was too busy fighting to keep my girl friend and comfort my ex's family. By the time I could get away, Jen was best friends with Jack again and needed no rescuing. Andy left shortly after that and is having the time of her life in Milan or Rome or Venice somewhere in Italy.

Back to Jack. He came here two years ago with his sister, hit on Joey, stole her from Dawson, and then ended up dumping her when he figured it was okay to be Gay. They remained semi formal friends, but because Joey is Joey, they drifted apart and if he died tomorrow, I don't think she would even notice. Anyways, after he came out, his father decided to sell their house and tried to send Jack off to one of them happy farms. You know the ones where they reeducate gay people and try to fool them into believing it was all an act. Yeah, I don't believe their shit either.

But Jack stuck to his guns that he is gay and left. He needed a place to stay, and Jen's grams was offering to take back Jen. Long story short, Jen only would come back if Jack could come too. Grams, being the magnanimous lady she is, accepted him and didn't even preach once about the supposed sins of homosexuality. Real class act that grams. But time eventually came that Jack's dad and sis came back to Capeside, and Andy guilted him into coming back home.

Jack and his dad eventually made up, but they are still stressed. One of the helping factors last year for their make up was Ethan, another college ass hole. He helped Jack become a stronger person, to have the courage to take his life and live it. Then when Jack found out that Ethan wasn't the person he had been lead to believe, Jack panicked and Ethan left. When Jack came to his senses the next day, it was already too late. Despite the grand romantic gesture of driving all the way cross the state to meet his boyfriend, he learns Ethan got back with his ex after kissing Ethan. One hell of a first kiss if you ask me.

Currently, Jack is now nursing yet another wound. After dislocating his shoulder thus ending his football career, yeah, first gay football player in Capeside history, he took the job of being a little league soccer coach. They got pissed cause he was gay and made an issue of it. Then they lied about why they fired him, but we know it was because he was gay. He is currently in a painting scheme with Dawson to earn extra money. Heaven help the gay man.

Now back to Jen. Jen hooked up with Jack's football crony friend, Hank, or Henry in those layman's terms. They did the on again, off again, you don't love me, but I want to love you things. Then he went away to summer football camp without telling her and she got pissed. That same trip on which Jack kissed his ex Ethan, Jen made up with Henry. Then dumbass Henry goes to private school, proceeds to ignore and evade Jen, and finally emails Jack into dumping Jen for him. What a shit.

To add insult to injury, Jen learns the same ass hole that got her hooked on drugs in New York is now living in Capeside working at the Yacht club with Joey. His mother got dumped by his father for the younger woman kinda deal. Drue Valentine is all shitty because of it, being sent here to Capeside, and he is just a plain old bastard. Yes, this is the same Drue that gave my ex the happy pills. He has tried numerous times to get Jen back into his click so he can feel good about himself. Jen, like any smart girl, is having none of it.

Also, a side note, Jen and I once had a sex pact. You know, if one is horny and the other is willing, they have sex. We tried several times, it never worked out. Didn't even get past second base, man that sucks. But Jen is a gal pal, a true friend, we could never do it because we just didn't want to. It's strange, a sexual being like myself not wanting Jen, sex incarnate. Perhaps it's just one of those cosmic Karma things, if someone is really easy, I don't want them. And ow, Jen again.

On to greener pastures and fairer maids. Well Grams really isn't a maid, just a fair lady. Gotta love her, she is the best you will ever hope to meet. Circumstances conspired to make her and me more than just passing acquaintances so therefore she will be included in the nightmare that is my life. Lets see, what is there to say? She is on the other side of sixty, yet spry as her grand daughter.

At this time she was dating Mr. Brooks, a crotchedy old man who reminds you of them guys in teen movies that shouts "You kids get off my lawn!" I have no idea what brought him here, or what she saw in him, but he must have been a good man if he could get Evelin to love him. Evelin is Grams if you couldn't guess. She doesn't let anyone of us "kids" call her that, but still nice to know she is a real person beyond being Jen's Grams.

As I stated before, Gram's husband passed on a couple years ago, it wasn't sudden, but it was no less painful for her. There are times one can still find her doing something and watch her catch herself before she completely does it. You don't have to be a mind reader to know she just remembered it doesn't have to be done, her husband is gone. The best thing to do is just let her work it out on her own, support her when she needs it and leave her be if she asks. I don't think she will ever completely stop it, just like she will never be completely over him.

Truthfully, I don't think she wants to be, and I really can't say I blame her.

Then there are the minor players in my life, people whom have little influence or have small parts that have great impacts.

First off, there is the Leerys. What can one say about this couple that you can't find in any really bad soap opera? His mother cheated on his father, they split, divorced, did the date others scene, dated each other, fell back in love, got married again, and now they are expecting Dawson 2.0. Usually I don't like to used trite phrases like 'they fell in love' but its like tripping over and landing in a mine shaft with those two. He literally fell in love with her, on the floor, in the kitchen, on the table, on the counter, in the living room, on the stairs, in the.... okay, okay, you get my drift.

With the way the clothes were flying, it's no wonder she got knocked up again. Gail is in her forties, Mitch too, he wanted the baby, she didn't. At least not at first. You see, she just opened a new restaurant, they just got back together, and things between them have been moving so fast. She simply didn't believe she was cut out for it or had the time, even if she was. After a few days, a lotta talking, and Mitch basically crying his eyes out to her, she relented and agreed to keep it. Now it is like saccharine over there, so sweet a humming bird would go into a diabetic coma.

Our next players on the hateful game show that is my life are my parents, mom and dad Witter. Neglectful doesn't even begin to cover it. You wanna talk about ass holes, let me tell you a couple things about these two! My whole life has been one big screw up after another... And you know what, it isn't worth it. They gave up on me before I was even born, so what's the friggen point? Nothing! Lets just move on, shall we?

Also mentioned, my sister Kerry. This waste of space is brought to you by my parents, the way not to raise your children. She married a no-neck marine who later left her for a younger woman who still had a visible waist line. She dropped fifty pounds and he came back, she gained ten, and he left her again. After she lost it plus ten more, he refused to come back. What does she do instead of forget about his loser ass? She spends the next six months trying to get him back from one bimbo after another until she loses her job and has to move back in with our parents.

This happened this time last year and I was forced to move out and in with my brother Dougie. It was either that or sleep in the living room with two of the three junior no-necks who aren't completely house broken yet. Yeah, that choice was made stunningly obvious. Personally, I can't say I hate or love her, you have to know someone before you can do either.

One final player in this melodrama of ours is the supreme ass hole and ultimate dick, Nick Taylor. Sure, he is a hot dick with the body of a sexual fiend, but he is still a dick. You see, Nick Taylor is the epitome of Frat Boys. He met my sister in her first year of college, they got together last year and she ended up bringing him home for Christmas. This says a lot about him, since my parents didn't think very highly of the guy. Who'd thunk they would be right for a change?

Anyways, Nick Taylor is basically your all American college jock type with the brains to know how to get what he wants, and the looks to back it up. A very dangerous combination. That said combination has lead to part of my problem and why I can't fault Dougie for denying his inner fairy. Then again...

Nick the trick, as he has been called, prefers poaching in virgin territory. The thrill of the conquest and victory is what he lives for. He could never stay faithful because basically the girls didn't like him that way. Don't ask me why, but they actually want him as the man whore that he is. More on that later when it becomes relevant.

So, now you know all the major players in our little melodrama called CapeSide. Any questions you have will either be answered as we go along or you will just have to figure them out for yourself.

The setting, a small town in the northern tip of the U.S. We are so small, that Wal-Mart doesn't even exist here. However, we do have a yacht club, so I guess that makes up for or explains that. The rich people think they own the town, and we poor have to exist to please them. We little people hate them and only serve them while on the clock. After work, the poor people had better not catch them Ritchie Riches on the prowl. Okay, so not, but I had you going there for a minute.

Truthfully, Capeside is pretty much your middle class town. I work at the video store with Dawson and two other people. I am up for manager when Big Sally quits next month. The yacht club is a bit further up the coast, but just inside our postal code. We don't bother them, they patron our businesses. Works out fine as far as we are concerned. There are enough people to qualify for a public school, but not a private one.

The time of the year is mid January, there is ice and snow, but the skies are clear. It tends to get wet towards the end of the month and stay that way until May. I would like to say it began on a dark and stormy night, but the sky was clear and the stars were bright. You could see your breath in the porch lights, but there was no breeze. Like the world was pausing for this special occasion. Boy was it special. Just watch and learn kiddies.

Part 2

Standing there on the porch, I wasn't sure which was worse; my girlfriend tossing me out because she was too insecure with her own problems, or being a chump and wanting to go apologize. It wasn't my fault she couldn't handle seeing Dawson and Gretchen kiss. I didn't like it either, but I didn't go all 'Basic Instinct' on her, now did I?

Jo needs to just deal with her problems instead of avoiding them. She drags them out like they are precious silks and relives them as the fantasy, self sacrificing princess in her crystal tower of bitterness. So I get poetic in my points of frustration, it's a hellova lot better than charging in there and beating her like some primates I know of. One day, she might grow out this wounded bird routine, but I won't be there when she does. Nope, Pacey Witter knows when he isn't wanted.

Or so I like to tell myself. More than likely I will spend the rest of the night wandering around the town brooding. Probably pick up a few videos and some chips, go home and veg out until I pass out. Well it was a thought. Something I had been doing more and more lately. The video part, not thinking, thinking always leads to trouble.

Anyways, it was standing on that porch I felt this strong and overwhelming urge to hit something. How dare she toss me out! I was helping, I was watching Alex! She should be grateful to me. If it weren't for me, she would be out on her ass two seconds flat turning tricks.

Whoa! Hold on! Someone call Mulder and Scully cause this is definitely an X-File. I do not feel that way! No way... Okay, may be a little. But you gotta admit, I deserve to be at least appreciated for my efforts, if not my person. She just doesn't see that, she doesn't know how much I have done. This is one of those classic under appreciative relationships that all those girly magazines say we should avoid.

But I love her, damn it! She is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, why can't she see that? And here come the tears, I so do not need this. Forget it, Jo, you can handle this on your own. With a final glance at her door, I stormed off her porch and into the trees. Sticking in the tree line, I watched a family of four walk up to the porch I had just vacated. Deal with that, Ms. Potter! I felt like twisting a mustache and cackling wildly as I walked away.

Teach her to throw me out claiming I am only a distraction. Vendicative is not just a word you heard in English class between snores for this guy. I could go home and wait by the phone for the call that will never come because Jo will never admit she was wrong unless you threatin her with the consequences. And even then, she will turn it back on me.

So I am in complete agreement with myself, I am going for a walk. Shrugging deep in my coat to fight off the cold, I head off to town. There is probably nothing open at eight aside from the Leery's resturaunt and a few other places for couples. I guess I wasn't going to head there after all.

I stopped. Scratching at my stomach, I wondered if I should be getting some of that pepcid crap again. It is kinda expensive at the local drugstore, but if the rumbling is to be trusted, I may need it very soon. Great, just great. This is turning out to be a shitty evening, figuratively and soon very literally.

While I was lost in my ramblings, the lights across the way came on signalling Grams is back from her date. The old crotchety Mr. Brooks seems to be spending more and more time with her lately. That can only lead to definite bad things.

The chill of the wind on my ears reminds me I have been out in the cold just standing there for too long. I tug the friggen skull cap down for more warmth, which it does not provide because it is stretched to the max. It is Jo's, of course she got our clothes mixed up. But I have it now and I am not giving it back!

Damn, I am bitchy.

But, damn it, I have reason to be.

Feeling a slight tensing in my gut, I know I have to reach a bathroom soon. It is either go back and face the harpy of mocking bird lane or interupt Grams and Oscar the Grouch. Another cramp decides it for me. Huming under my breath to provide a constant for my thoughts, I start the long treck for the dock.

Each step is made more difficult as I walk with a tight ass to make sure I don't lose it. Keep'em together cheeks, we are almost there. Or I told myself that. Really, I wasn't even at the dock when the first one struck. It felt very similar to when I got kicked in the gut by Dawson when we were ten. I shit my pants then, I thought I did now too.

Well there was something in my pants, it was wet, warm and wet. Warm, wet, and it ruined a perfectly good pair of boxers! So much for making it to Grams. The damage was already done, no need to keep up the funny walk. Ignoring the way my clothes were now sticking to my legs, I marched the rest of the way.

By the time I had reached the house, cold had seeped through my wet pants and I was shivering. Now there was no option of going anywhere else. Knocking on the front door, I was surprised to see it was Mr. Brooks, not Grams that answered the door. He took one look at me, with my hands under my arms and shivering, trying to stay warm, and snorted.

"Evelin, it's one of your strays." He put on his hat and started out. "I'll see you tomorrow." I had to nearly jump to avoid being run over by him. Ass.

I watched him go, silenting mimicking him. Gram's chuckle had me turning back to the doorway. She was slightly flushed and her eyes alight, so I didn't make a big deal about Oscar. "Can I use your restroom?" No hi, how do you do, I was on a mission of the utmost importance.

"Of course, Pacey." She moved to the side to let me pass. I slipped in beside her and noticed when she wrinkled her nose. Through my embarrassment, I knew she was too much a lady to mention it.

However, I wasn't. "I kinda had an accident on the way over." Giving her a cheeky grin, I shot down the front room to the bathroom. Each step slowly warmed up and I got squishy again, not a pleasant experience, let me tell ya. By the time I had reached the bathroom, I was quite ripe. Needless to say, it didn't take me long to divest myself of my clothes. Of course upon seeing what was really in them I screamed.

I am not afraid to admit it, I screamed like a little girl. You would too if you saw blood in your undershorts. After that, it was a logical conclusion what came next. If you were thinking I puked, you were half right. I gagged, but apparently I have a good reflex because nothing came up. So here I was bent over the toilet, bare ass in the air with my shorts around my ankles, and in busts Grams.

She takes one look at my face, my shorts, my ass, my face again, then frowns. It was not one of my best moments. Grams is a tough woman, a real trooper as she puts. She figured out what was going on within moments.

Moving fast, she stepped over to the shower and put in the plug. "Remove your clothes, I will wash them. You can take a hot bath while you wait. I used to find it one of the best treatments."

To say I was confused was an understatement. "What do you mean?" I took a moment to hold back on my gag reflex again, then cleared my throat.

"It is nothing to be ashamed of, it is perfectly natural." I watched in stunned silence as she knelt beside me. Tugging at the hem of her shirt, her fingers twitched in thought. An emotion finally winning out, she put a hand on my shoulder. "Pacey, it is okay."

"No, it's not okay, I am bleeding from my ass for no apparent reason, how can that be okay? This isn't a normal everyday kinda occurance for me!" I knew my voice had grown louder and higher pitched, but I didn't care. Hysteria at something like this seemed like a good idea.

"It will be, you just have to trust me on this, it is a very special thing." I could tell this was upsetting her. Her lips tightened and she spoke in a controled manner. "Just, trust me for now, and I will try to explain it as delicately as possible."

"Why not tell me now?"

Giving me a look that said she meant business, she squeezed my shoulder firmly. "This is news you will want to be comfortable for. Now strip and climb in the bath. Put your clothes outside the door before you climb in so I can wash them. I will set out a towel for when you're through. Call me when you are dry." Standing up again, her eyes keeping me from speaking, Grams gave what might have been a comforting smile in other circumstances. Taking her hand back, she turned around to the closet door. She took out a towel, then placed it on the sink. Giving me another meaning filled look, she walked out.

The moment the door closed, I finally lost control and spewed in the toilet. Yeah, I was shaking, feeling out of control. There were only a few things I knew of that caused spontanious anal bleeding and none of them pleasant. With grim determination on my side, I finally finished and stood up. A few digusting burps and I knew the worst of that was over. I was holding out little hope that Grams knew exactly what she was talking about and that I wasn't sick. But the chances of that in my opinion sucked.

But on the off chance, I decided to comply with her orders. Yes, Grams ma'am. Not giving a damn if I tore anything, I quickly stripped and threw the clothes out the door. Okay, so that was a moment of childishness, but I was ready to bust out into tears there. I kept alternating between being pissed off at the injustice of it all, and wanting to cry because it was happening to me.

There was a strong spasm in my gut again, causing me to suck in a breath too quickly. Coughing, I felt more blood run down my leg. Am I disgusting you yet? Yeah, that retching feeling you are getting is only a little of what I felt in that moment. And the smell wasn't all too pleasant either.

Something struck me as familiar about the smell, but I was too busy trying not to gag again to try and place it. I didn't dally anymore after that, just plopped into the tub, sat back, and let the hot water scald away my troubles. Sometimes a hot bath will do the trick. Take now for instance, I was sitting there, letting my body relax in a large white tub. It was comfortable.

As my body began to lose some of the tension, I decided to do a mental check. Too many things were happening at once. If I was going to find the sorce of this, I had to concentrait. I had to begin with the first time I noticed irratic behaviour on my part today.

Well at lunch I got sick from the smell of the cafeteria food. Not something that is uncommon, but still a little fishy. I had a longing for something sweet today when I passed the Home Ec. room. The smell of the sweaty jocks passing me in the hall after their gym class popped into mind. There was just something about the memory.

Jo and I had been arguing again. She started in with her faces again and I wasn't paying that much attention. Something had caught my attention, more like the smell of someone. Jack's arm had brushed my back and I remember wondering what it would have felt like to be wrapped in them. Of course it had been immeadietly forgotten because in that moment Joey had noticed I wasn't paying attention and shrieked at me.

It took me a moment to realize what the sensation was when I had smelled him. I may be a little dense, but I'm not completely clueless. I had wanted Jack. Here was a startling revelation, believe me. That I wanted to be with Jack in a more than friends way had me feeling a little strange.

There were a few other instances. Almost every girl I usually like to check out was suddenly the stupidest bitch I had ever seen. Standing there, twirling their hair, making googlily eyes at boys, how lame is that? Also, that the boys actually were stupid enough to fall for it. The sun was too bright, the weather too cold, the desk too hard. It just all combined to make a really shitty day. How could I have not realized it?

Perhaps I was a little distracted, being president of the Joey Potter Fan Club is a full time deal. She takes a lot out of a guy. Now that I had time to think about it, she was there taking my mind off everything that had been happening to me, and not in a good way. Sitting in that tub, I realized just how much I resented Ms. Josephine Potter.

Grams knocked on the door, distracting me from my revelry. "How are you doing in there, Pacey?"

"Just fine, Grams."

"Well all right, when you are ready to get out, call me." Her retreating footsteps echoed through the wood of the house.

Talking to her brought back my attention to the matter at hand. Looking down at the now brown tinged water, I knew that couldn't be good. That is when you know it is real. Blood doesn't turn water red like in the movies. It makes things a dark brownish color. The water started to go cold so I decided to accept it was time to get out.

And then I waited probably another five minutes before I drew up the nerve to get out. Standing up, the water sloshed down my legs and I prayed it was just that and nothing more. I pulled the stopper on the tub and climbed out. The water drained quickly, Grams evidently does a better job at cleaning than I do.

Standing there in a puddle of water, toes curling and sticking out, I grabbed the towel and wrapped it around my waist. Just in time too, because in that moment the door opened and Jen busted in. The dark tinge to her cheeks was an obvious sign she and Jack still hadn't made up. And the narrowing of her eyes said I was about to be caught in the cross fire.


Thinking quickly to distract her, I opened the towel and flashed her. It did the trick, she paused mid breath. Of course, Grams picked that exact moment to walk in. "Jennifer, I told you... Pacey! Cover yourself this instant!"

And I did. Wrapped myself in the towel and walked out past the flabbergasted Jen. Grams merely looked me with disapproval, but led the way to the back bedroom. Once we are inside, she closed the door and locked it. Moving through the room, she began. "Honestly, I don't know who is worse, you are that grand daughter of mine."

"Well, that depends on what you are measuring us for. We both qualify for first place in different fields." I tried to make light of the situation which earned me a patented look of disapproval.

"That isn't funny, Pacey. You are in a serious situation."

"I'm sorry, this is just what I do." For the first time I felt like apologizing for being me.

"No need to be sorry, you are who you are, don't change that fact because someone else disapproves. Now lets see what we can come up with for clothes. I am sure I have some of Jen's grand father's clothes left over. They are draw string so they should fit just fine for now." She began rummaging through the drawers. I would have offered to help, but I was holding the towel tight and was feeling less than comfortable.

That was not one of my best moments. Never let it be said Pacey Witter went through life laughing from one moment to the next. Funny, standing there in only a towel that barely covered the essentials, freezing my ass off after being thrown out by my girlfriend, and bleeding from my ass, I felt more at ease than I ever once did around my father.

After about a minute, Grams stood up smiling in triumph. Holding out a bundle of clothes she waited for me to take them. "Go on, you put them on." It wasn't the clothes that made me hold back so much as what was on them.

"What is this," I asked in a whisper. Looking from her face to the stack and then back again, I tried not to make an even bigger fool of myself. But right there, on top of the clothes in a decievingly pink wrapper was what I hoped it wasn't.

"I am sure you know where it goes and how to use it. You have been around women long enough that any mystery surrounding it should have long evaporated." Frowning, she twisted and set them on the bed. Grams closed her eyes, her soft breathing the only thing I heard in the silence. "Pacey, there is no easy way to tell you this. I figure it is best to just get it in the open. You are going through your first cycle."

"Cycle? Cycle like what? Are you saying that bleeding from my ass is going to happen regularly?" Towards the end my voice had raised to a squeak. Hysteria works wonder for your already flagging manhood.

"Get a hold of yourself, Pacey. Your body is simply mensturating, there is nothing to be concerned about." And there we have it folks, Grams said the word no man wants to hear. Mensturating. She gave me the look that says she is displeased with the situation as much as I am.

After taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself. It wasn't working all that well. But I am Pacey Witter, I should be used to all the crap in the world happening to me. This should just be another instance where I swallow my pride and just deal.

Dealing meant having to bite my teeth against another spasm in my gut, by then I was really starting to hate getting my period. And see, I just accepted the fact that I was having a period. Oh boy, not a good sign when you start accepting the abnormal as normal. It is one of the first signs of shock.

I guess I must have gone into a state of shock because next thing I knew, Grams was at my side, a hand on my shoulder. Her empathetic look, which is different than a sympathetic by the frown, stared me right in the face. "Do you need any help with this, Pacey?"

"Yeah, I kinda think I do. If I even start thinking about having to wear a pad I am going to start freaking real quick." Trying for a troubled laugh, it came out more a pained grunt. Damned cramps. I clutched my stomach and hunched over while she guided me to the bed.

"You sit there, I'll help you get dressed." She pulled the stack on the bed next to me. First to be picked up was the pad. Grams unwrapped it then grabbed the boxers. After opening them, she held them up for me to watch as she removed the plastic strip and applied the adhesive side to the boxers. "It is very important you make sure to center it just right. Any way off the mark and you will get leakage. It might take you a while to get the hang of this, so I suggest you carry extra boxers in your school bag."

"Sounds like you've had experience with this before."

"I learned from my own time and from those of my daughter and grand daughter. Not that there was much to do in the case of Jen, she coming to me already fully grown." Smiling, she held up the boxers. "There, all ready."

I just stared at them. She couldn't really expect me to put them on.

"Please hurry, I do not wish to be changing the comforter in here."

Glancing down between my legs, I saw the towel was already spotting. Damn it! Already, I was beginning to think in terms I had heard my sisters use a thousand times. This can only lead to trouble. Standing up, I grabbed the boxers from her and headed to the bathroom off to the side.

I used the towel to wipe away any excess blood. After I was through, I set it in the sink. Quickly, I slipped in to the boxers. The shape of the pad was really weird against my legs, and when I had it against my ass, it felt wrong. There was this wad of cotton between my legs because I, a guy, was having his first period.

Looking in the mirror I expected to see someone else. This couldn't be happening to me. God, please don't let this be happening to me. I had never done anything wrong in my life aside from being a screw up, so why was it happening to me?

The person in the mirror didn't even register as me. Blinking, I tried to make it me again, but it didn't change. That wasn't me with the shocked look; pale skin, wide eyes, slightly open mouth breathing quickly and swallowing convulsively. Oh god, please, I didn't do anything to deserve this!

But evidently, like my family, god seemed to have forgotten me. Not that I have much use for a god, a goddess, or whatever there is out there. Cause I'm me, and that's all I need. Me. Good ole Pacey Witter. Numero Uno.

Still didn't change the fact I no longer was the person in the mirror.

And those weren't tears on my face either. Nope, just a little extra moisture. I decided it was best to wash away any signs I had been crying before going out. The water was cold, but it got the job done. Instead of just the area around my eyes, my entire face was now red.

After drying off, I walked over to the door. The movement of the pad between my legs felt weird. I guess I was going to have to get used to it. Somethings a person shouldn't have to, but then when was I a person?

Grams was waiting for me outside the bathroom door, her hands at her sides holding the pants and shirt. "If you'd like, you can stay here for the night. I'm sure Jennifer wouldn't mind..." She trailed off giving me a searching glance. "What do you want to tell her? She is going to want to know something, and I don't feel like lying to her about it. If you wish, I will refuse to tell her anything, but you know my policy on that."

"Yeah, I do, and it is probably best to tell her tonight, give her a chance to get over the shock. I think I will stay. Thanks, Grams." There wasn't much more to say. What does one say about it? Most people would be freaking out about now. Speaking of which. "I gotta question. Why aren't you calling for an exercist or something. I mean I can't imagine this being an everyday occurance for you. Yet some how I get the feeling you weren't as surprised as I was."

She handed me the clothes with a frown. "There are things about this place that most people aren't aware of. What are normally strange and fantastic occurances are not so much here." With raised eyebrows, she took a deep breath and turned away. "Some people do not like to discuss the past of our town, they believe it is best left forgotten. Especially those who were most effected by it. Then... an occurance like yours happens, and all the old memories are dredged up."

I was floored. She was saying our town had a dark secret in its past and it was the reason I was a... guy with a period. I could barely speak, but I managed it. "Are you telling me there is a mystical side to this."

"Heavens no." Okay, she was back to frowning, only this time it was at me, not my situation. "About thirty years ago parts of Capeside were turned into a toxic dumping ground for chemical treatment facilities by accident. Birth defects rose that first year by eighty percent, most of the effected infants dying within days. A lot of people were paid hush money to keep it quiet while the companies cleaned up their mess. But it was too late, the damage had already been done.

"I hate to say this, but it was fortunate most of the souls who were effected are now dead. Their suffering was terrible and we lost a lot of good people. But their deaths meant the defects would not be passed on. I know it is a terrible thing, but it is the truth, no child should have to suffer for their parent's mistakes." Giving me a sad smile, she place a hand to my cheek. "You are one of the lucky ones."

"Yeah, now I can finally get out of gym class! Oh wait, I don't have gym anymore, damn, too late for it to do me any good there." I tried for a smartass grin, but her evil eye shot that down. "Look, I understand it could have been worse, just, you know, its a little much right now."

Patting my shoulder, she nodded and accepted my words as fact. "I'll let you get some sleep. The door locks from the inside and I am the only one who has the key for the outside. That should give you a small measure of peace for tonight. I'll tell her what is happening with you and make sure she does not bother you until tomorrow. After the sun rises I can make no promises. Good night, Pacey, try to get some sleep. I will see you in the morning."

On impulse, I wrapped her up in a big hug and held on tight. It took a few minutes before I built up enough courage to let her go and step back. She had an understanding look on her face as she turned and walked out. I didn't move until I heard the snick of the lock setting into place.

I felt suddenly alone and didn't want to be. Not that there was anything anybody could do, I just wanted to feel like someone else was in control of the situation, that it wasn't this wild, chaotic force of events that threatened to blow my world apart. And I really need to purge the Dawson Lexicon from my system, that kinda thinking is not healthy.

I must have stood there for a good half hour before I gathered my whits enough to move. There was too much involved to do anything aside from going to bed. So after turning off the light switch, I slowly made my way to the full sized bed and climbed under the covers. That night sleep was a long time in coming, but I eventually settled in. The next day would bring enough troubles, and I wasn't sure I would be able to face them.


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