By: Lopaka Tanu
Disclaimer: I do not own Dawson's Creek, though I wish I owned
Fandom: Dawson's Creek
Warnings: Sexual Situations, Language, Violence, Character Death,
Angst, Hurt/no comfort, Mpreg, and Abandonment, Basically Pacey's
Pairing: Pacey Witter/Nick Taylor - mentions of Joey/Pacey
Dawson/Joey Dawson/Gretchen Gretchen/Nick Drew/Joey.
Summary: Pacey knew life was going to screw him one way or another.
Being the progressive person he was, he made a decision and chose to
ride it. This time, the consequences weren't what he was expecting.
Category: Slash AU.
Style: POV narrative.
Okay, so here is the part where I begin the excuse that was my life.
You know, that part in all big stories that justifies all the
mistakes I made that brought me here where I get judged. Not so, my
friend. Nope, not Pacey Witter, nothing will ever earn me that kind
of chance. There is no, 'but I had no choice, I was made to do it'
in this story.
It was my life and I don't give a damn what you or anyone else
thinks. Whether or not you would have made the same decisions,
really doesn't matter. You see, here is the part that counts, it was
my life, my choice, my decision. No right or wrong, good or evil, it
simply was. Life is pretty much like that, kiddies, get used to it.
I bet you are getting a little pissed off at my flippant attitude
right now. So what. You wouldn't be the first person to get mad, and
I can handle that. Anger is nothing new to me. Neither is being
disappointed, let down, disgusted, rage to the near point of
strangulation and a host of other emotions I seem to bring out in
other people. It's a gift, what can I say.
Now that we got the general, 'I am an ass, get used to it', crap out
of the way, lets get right down to it. So, okay, there are a few
things you need to know that are kinda important if you wish to
For starters, my name is Pacey Witter, son of my father, also
Witter. What his name beyond dad, father, ass hole, Sheriff Witter
is of no consequence. I got three older siblings, possibly four, who
knows, who cares? Not me, not you, moving on. But for this story you
need to know more about them, but not at this moment. Back to me. I
am seventeen at this point, will be eighteen in a month and a half.
I am an all American screw up, barely getting by on my paycheck and
my grades. I live with my older sister Gretchen after my older
brother Dougie kicked my loser ass out. Seems he is kinda pissy
about having uninvited relatives messing up his pristine home, 'casa
de dickhead', formerly 'casa de princess', changed when he proved
he 'wasn't gay' by dating a girl. Yeah, right. So Gretchen comes
home from college, moves in with Dougie and I get the boot. I move
to my boat, may she rest in peace. Then Gretchen decides she doesn't
like the pressure of a high maintenance brother and finds this shit
hole of a rental and voila, here we are.
Born in Capeside, Mass, I have lived there all my life. Townie,
that's the word they use to describe people like me. Nothing wrong
with it aside from the fact that people are so small minded as to
believe being home towned is like having AIDS or something. Not so,
my friend, definitely not so. You see, I see the bigger picture, I
know that this might be as good as it gets so I don't rock the boat.
That and I can't seem to earn good enough grades to get the hell
out, but that's neither here nor there.
Next up is my sister Gretchen, bitch and big sister extraordinair.
Of the Witter girls, she is the only one even mildly tolerable. She
is twenty one, five-four, and weighs around.... Whatever, lets not
go there or else she might kick my ass again. She is single guys,
don't let Dawson get her, she is free for the taking! However, you
hurt her and I will kick your ass. Just a fair warning, she is a my
big sis after all.
Her stats are as follows. Twenty-one, female, hair color this month,
brown with golden highlights. Dropped out of college after her
sophomore year because of an ass hole boyfriend and a few other
problems that were caused by said ass hole. Gretchen is a confused
person, she doesn't know what she wants out of life and has been
burned so badly by her experiences that she probably never will.
She's my sister and she loves me, so I guess she has a big heart. Or
After her, there is Dougie. My oldest sibling, first born does not
mean best. Dougie agrees with my father so often that I am starting
to wonder if I should check if his hand is up Dougie's ass. Which is
so disgusting I can't believe I just said it. But its the gods
honest truth, the man might as well be speaking for him. Dougie is a
deputy in my father's sheriff's office. He is also 'not gay',
considering my story, I am willing to give him the benefit of the
doubt. Not. The man is queerer than a three dollar bill. He should
have 'Leather Bitch' tattooed on his ass. He's so gay that Tinker
Bell would take lessons on being a better fairy from him! He is the
poster boy for 'Closeted'. He puts the O-U in Out! Face it, people,
the man is gay.
Next on our hit parade is my former, and forever clueless,
girlfriend, Josephine Potter, Joey for the common. I used to hate
this girl with a burning passion, I thought she was whiny,
narcissistic, bitchy, stupid, and just plain old boring. Then I
thought I got to know her, found all those flaws as qualities and
fell stupidly head over hills. Broken hearts floating from my eyes,
tongue lolling in my mouth, chest cracked and blood gushing from the
gaping hole kinda love. Yeah, I am being a little conservative on
how hard I fell for her.
Then I got to know the real Josephine Potter. The one who couldn't
take a hint even if it walked up to her, bitch slapped her, and then
took her lunch money. Her problems were always way more important,
and when I tried to help her, I got my head bitten off. Honestly, I
don't know why I did it for so long. It wasn't for the sex, we never
got that far, which should have been my own clue-by-four. The girl
has intimacy issues, and that's putting it mildly. Plus, she's ugly.
I can say it, she is ugly. Yes, Joey Potter is ugly. Ugly, meet Joey
Potter, Joey, Ugly. What, you already know each other, what are the
You want proof? Keep your pants on, we aren't through the
introductions yet. Now where was I? Oh yeah, Joey Potter was my
girlfriend. She was book smart, but couldn't see the rest of the
world, or me for that matter. So bye bye, Joey, bye bye.
And next in our list of casting credits is Dawson Leery. The last
name is all the warning you need of how to feel about this boy. He
thinks he is the center of universe, or at the very least, his own
TV show. That boy has some major narcissism issues. He and Joey were
best friends since they were practically embryos. Of course this
shows that they are both stuck on themselves and each other. You
usually can't find one without the other tagging along near by.
He fancies himself the right film buff, basically he knows the book
facts but not the people facts. His top social skills are something
out of soap opera, usually wildly exaggerating emotions. A sad fact
about him is that people have given into him so often he has a
Messiah complex, or in his terminology, a Charlton Heston post Ben-
Hur. Basically what it boils down to is Dawson is always right, or
he will use that massive forehead to smite you with. Kneel before
the great and powerful Dawson, ye sinners!
Another fact on his bad list of bad attributes of bad things, Dawson
is after my sister, again. It wasn't cute five years ago, it isn't
cute now. Sure, you might think the sight of big dumb Dawson mooning
over a girl would be funny, but trust me, it is far from it, very
far from it. Especially since that girl is my sister. Back off,
More recent additions to our soap opera includes Jen Lindley, the
former bad girl turned reform student. All this gal needs is a
catholic school girl uniform and... Ow! She really needs to get over
this need to hit me. So the girl has been dealt a bad hand most of
her life, so have we all. Thing is, Jen doesn't take it lying down,
well most of the time. Ow, again! You know, Jen, you really need to
learn some people skills aside from batting your eyes and beating
the thunder out of people for saying the truth.
Back to Jen's bio. She came to Capeside after yet another round of
drunken, drugged out benches in New York. Jen then moved in with her
Grams and Grand Dad. Her grand dad died a few years back and sent
her back into the arms of drunken living and our resident badass,
Abby Morgan. Morgan died, Jen got kicked out, and she became a Leery
by reputation and residence. Pay attention, this is very important.
Jen was abducted by the Dawson and forced to be his friend. Ow!
Okay, so she was his ex-girlfriend by the time this happened, but
don't let that fool you, she was still pretty much a cool chick.
Before I continue with Jen, you need to know her little sister, Jack.
Jack isn't little in any way, believe me, I checked. Hey, I got a
lotta story to tell, let me get on with it, you perves. Fact of the
matter, Jack is just a little bigger than average, but lets just
keep that to ourselves. Jack is Capeside's obligatory gay man. You
gotta have one or else it just isn't an American town.
Way back when there was a Ms. Andy McPhee, Jack's twin sister, I
dated her. She left to get some help because of trauma induced
schizophrenia. Cheated on me, then dumped me when she returned.
Tried getting me back, but by then I already had my ticket for the
Joey express. So we became friends.
Late last year she took some happy pills a dick head named Drue gave
Jen of which she lifted from her. They didn't mix well with her
antidepressants and she ended up in the hospital and Jen ended up on
the shit. I would have done something to make Jen feel better, but I
was too busy fighting to keep my girl friend and comfort my ex's
family. By the time I could get away, Jen was best friends with Jack
again and needed no rescuing. Andy left shortly after that and is
having the time of her life in Milan or Rome or Venice somewhere in
Back to Jack. He came here two years ago with his sister, hit on
Joey, stole her from Dawson, and then ended up dumping her when he
figured it was okay to be Gay. They remained semi formal friends,
but because Joey is Joey, they drifted apart and if he died
tomorrow, I don't think she would even notice. Anyways, after he
came out, his father decided to sell their house and tried to send
Jack off to one of them happy farms. You know the ones where they
reeducate gay people and try to fool them into believing it was all
an act. Yeah, I don't believe their shit either.
But Jack stuck to his guns that he is gay and left. He needed a
place to stay, and Jen's grams was offering to take back Jen. Long
story short, Jen only would come back if Jack could come too. Grams,
being the magnanimous lady she is, accepted him and didn't even
preach once about the supposed sins of homosexuality. Real class act
that grams. But time eventually came that Jack's dad and sis came
back to Capeside, and Andy guilted him into coming back home.
Jack and his dad eventually made up, but they are still stressed.
One of the helping factors last year for their make up was Ethan,
another college ass hole. He helped Jack become a stronger person,
to have the courage to take his life and live it. Then when Jack
found out that Ethan wasn't the person he had been lead to believe,
Jack panicked and Ethan left. When Jack came to his senses the next
day, it was already too late. Despite the grand romantic gesture of
driving all the way cross the state to meet his boyfriend, he learns
Ethan got back with his ex after kissing Ethan. One hell of a first
kiss if you ask me.
Currently, Jack is now nursing yet another wound. After dislocating
his shoulder thus ending his football career, yeah, first gay
football player in Capeside history, he took the job of being a
little league soccer coach. They got pissed cause he was gay and
made an issue of it. Then they lied about why they fired him, but we
know it was because he was gay. He is currently in a painting scheme
with Dawson to earn extra money. Heaven help the gay man.
Now back to Jen. Jen hooked up with Jack's football crony friend,
Hank, or Henry in those layman's terms. They did the on again, off
again, you don't love me, but I want to love you things. Then he
went away to summer football camp without telling her and she got
pissed. That same trip on which Jack kissed his ex Ethan, Jen made
up with Henry. Then dumbass Henry goes to private school, proceeds
to ignore and evade Jen, and finally emails Jack into dumping Jen
for him. What a shit.
To add insult to injury, Jen learns the same ass hole that got her
hooked on drugs in New York is now living in Capeside working at the
Yacht club with Joey. His mother got dumped by his father for the
younger woman kinda deal. Drue Valentine is all shitty because of
it, being sent here to Capeside, and he is just a plain old bastard.
Yes, this is the same Drue that gave my ex the happy pills. He has
tried numerous times to get Jen back into his click so he can feel
good about himself. Jen, like any smart girl, is having none of it.
Also, a side note, Jen and I once had a sex pact. You know, if one
is horny and the other is willing, they have sex. We tried several
times, it never worked out. Didn't even get past second base, man
that sucks. But Jen is a gal pal, a true friend, we could never do
it because we just didn't want to. It's strange, a sexual being like
myself not wanting Jen, sex incarnate. Perhaps it's just one of
those cosmic Karma things, if someone is really easy, I don't want
them. And ow, Jen again.
On to greener pastures and fairer maids. Well Grams really isn't a
maid, just a fair lady. Gotta love her, she is the best you will
ever hope to meet. Circumstances conspired to make her and me more
than just passing acquaintances so therefore she will be included in
the nightmare that is my life. Lets see, what is there to say? She
is on the other side of sixty, yet spry as her grand daughter.
At this time she was dating Mr. Brooks, a crotchedy old man who
reminds you of them guys in teen movies that shouts "You kids get
off my lawn!" I have no idea what brought him here, or what she saw
in him, but he must have been a good man if he could get Evelin to
love him. Evelin is Grams if you couldn't guess. She doesn't let
anyone of us "kids" call her that, but still nice to know she is a
real person beyond being Jen's Grams.
As I stated before, Gram's husband passed on a couple years ago, it
wasn't sudden, but it was no less painful for her. There are times
one can still find her doing something and watch her catch herself
before she completely does it. You don't have to be a mind reader to
know she just remembered it doesn't have to be done, her husband is
gone. The best thing to do is just let her work it out on her own,
support her when she needs it and leave her be if she asks. I don't
think she will ever completely stop it, just like she will never be
completely over him.
Truthfully, I don't think she wants to be, and I really can't say I
Then there are the minor players in my life, people whom have little
influence or have small parts that have great impacts.
First off, there is the Leerys. What can one say about this couple
that you can't find in any really bad soap opera? His mother cheated
on his father, they split, divorced, did the date others scene,
dated each other, fell back in love, got married again, and now they
are expecting Dawson 2.0. Usually I don't like to used trite phrases
like 'they fell in love' but its like tripping over and landing in a
mine shaft with those two. He literally fell in love with her, on
the floor, in the kitchen, on the table, on the counter, in the
living room, on the stairs, in the.... okay, okay, you get my drift.
With the way the clothes were flying, it's no wonder she got knocked
up again. Gail is in her forties, Mitch too, he wanted the baby, she
didn't. At least not at first. You see, she just opened a new
restaurant, they just got back together, and things between them
have been moving so fast. She simply didn't believe she was cut out
for it or had the time, even if she was. After a few days, a lotta
talking, and Mitch basically crying his eyes out to her, she
relented and agreed to keep it. Now it is like saccharine over
there, so sweet a humming bird would go into a diabetic coma.
Our next players on the hateful game show that is my life are my
parents, mom and dad Witter. Neglectful doesn't even begin to cover
it. You wanna talk about ass holes, let me tell you a couple things
about these two! My whole life has been one big screw up after
another... And you know what, it isn't worth it. They gave up on me
before I was even born, so what's the friggen point? Nothing! Lets
just move on, shall we?
Also mentioned, my sister Kerry. This waste of space is brought to
you by my parents, the way not to raise your children. She married a
no-neck marine who later left her for a younger woman who still had
a visible waist line. She dropped fifty pounds and he came back, she
gained ten, and he left her again. After she lost it plus ten more,
he refused to come back. What does she do instead of forget about
his loser ass? She spends the next six months trying to get him back
from one bimbo after another until she loses her job and has to move
back in with our parents.
This happened this time last year and I was forced to move out and
in with my brother Dougie. It was either that or sleep in the living
room with two of the three junior no-necks who aren't completely
house broken yet. Yeah, that choice was made stunningly obvious.
Personally, I can't say I hate or love her, you have to know someone
before you can do either.
One final player in this melodrama of ours is the supreme ass hole
and ultimate dick, Nick Taylor. Sure, he is a hot dick with the body
of a sexual fiend, but he is still a dick. You see, Nick Taylor is
the epitome of Frat Boys. He met my sister in her first year of
college, they got together last year and she ended up bringing him
home for Christmas. This says a lot about him, since my parents
didn't think very highly of the guy. Who'd thunk they would be right
for a change?
Anyways, Nick Taylor is basically your all American college jock
type with the brains to know how to get what he wants, and the looks
to back it up. A very dangerous combination. That said combination
has lead to part of my problem and why I can't fault Dougie for
denying his inner fairy. Then again...
Nick the trick, as he has been called, prefers poaching in virgin
territory. The thrill of the conquest and victory is what he lives
for. He could never stay faithful because basically the girls didn't
like him that way. Don't ask me why, but they actually want him as
the man whore that he is. More on that later when it becomes
So, now you know all the major players in our little melodrama
called CapeSide. Any questions you have will either be answered as
we go along or you will just have to figure them out for yourself.
The setting, a small town in the northern tip of the U.S. We are so
small, that Wal-Mart doesn't even exist here. However, we do have a
yacht club, so I guess that makes up for or explains that. The rich
people think they own the town, and we poor have to exist to please
them. We little people hate them and only serve them while on the
clock. After work, the poor people had better not catch them Ritchie
Riches on the prowl. Okay, so not, but I had you going there for a
Truthfully, Capeside is pretty much your middle class town. I work
at the video store with Dawson and two other people. I am up for
manager when Big Sally quits next month. The yacht club is a bit
further up the coast, but just inside our postal code. We don't
bother them, they patron our businesses. Works out fine as far as we
are concerned. There are enough people to qualify for a public
school, but not a private one.
The time of the year is mid January, there is ice and snow, but the
skies are clear. It tends to get wet towards the end of the month
and stay that way until May. I would like to say it began on a dark
and stormy night, but the sky was clear and the stars were bright.
You could see your breath in the porch lights, but there was no
breeze. Like the world was pausing for this special occasion. Boy
was it special. Just watch and learn kiddies.
Standing there on the porch, I wasn't sure which was worse; my
girlfriend tossing me out because she was too insecure with her own
problems, or being a chump and wanting to go apologize. It wasn't my
fault she couldn't handle seeing Dawson and Gretchen kiss. I didn't
like it either, but I didn't go all 'Basic Instinct' on her, now did
Jo needs to just deal with her problems instead of avoiding them.
She drags them out like they are precious silks and relives them as
the fantasy, self sacrificing princess in her crystal tower of
bitterness. So I get poetic in my points of frustration, it's a
hellova lot better than charging in there and beating her like some
primates I know of. One day, she might grow out this wounded bird
routine, but I won't be there when she does. Nope, Pacey Witter
knows when he isn't wanted.
Or so I like to tell myself. More than likely I will spend the rest
of the night wandering around the town brooding. Probably pick up a
few videos and some chips, go home and veg out until I pass out.
Well it was a thought. Something I had been doing more and more
lately. The video part, not thinking, thinking always leads to
Anyways, it was standing on that porch I felt this strong and
overwhelming urge to hit something. How dare she toss me out! I was
helping, I was watching Alex! She should be grateful to me. If it
weren't for me, she would be out on her ass two seconds flat turning
Whoa! Hold on! Someone call Mulder and Scully cause this is
definitely an X-File. I do not feel that way! No way... Okay, may be
a little. But you gotta admit, I deserve to be at least appreciated
for my efforts, if not my person. She just doesn't see that, she
doesn't know how much I have done. This is one of those classic
under appreciative relationships that all those girly magazines say
we should avoid.
But I love her, damn it! She is the one I want to spend the rest of
my life with, why can't she see that? And here come the tears, I so
do not need this. Forget it, Jo, you can handle this on your own.
With a final glance at her door, I stormed off her porch and into
the trees. Sticking in the tree line, I watched a family of four
walk up to the porch I had just vacated. Deal with that, Ms. Potter!
I felt like twisting a mustache and cackling wildly as I walked away.
Teach her to throw me out claiming I am only a distraction.
Vendicative is not just a word you heard in English class between
snores for this guy. I could go home and wait by the phone for the
call that will never come because Jo will never admit she was wrong
unless you threatin her with the consequences. And even then, she
will turn it back on me.
So I am in complete agreement with myself, I am going for a walk.
Shrugging deep in my coat to fight off the cold, I head off to town.
There is probably nothing open at eight aside from the Leery's
resturaunt and a few other places for couples. I guess I wasn't
going to head there after all.
I stopped. Scratching at my stomach, I wondered if I should be
getting some of that pepcid crap again. It is kinda expensive at the
local drugstore, but if the rumbling is to be trusted, I may need it
very soon. Great, just great. This is turning out to be a shitty
evening, figuratively and soon very literally.
While I was lost in my ramblings, the lights across the way came on
signalling Grams is back from her date. The old crotchety Mr. Brooks
seems to be spending more and more time with her lately. That can
only lead to definite bad things.
The chill of the wind on my ears reminds me I have been out in the
cold just standing there for too long. I tug the friggen skull cap
down for more warmth, which it does not provide because it is
stretched to the max. It is Jo's, of course she got our clothes
mixed up. But I have it now and I am not giving it back!
Damn, I am bitchy.
But, damn it, I have reason to be.
Feeling a slight tensing in my gut, I know I have to reach a
bathroom soon. It is either go back and face the harpy of mocking
bird lane or interupt Grams and Oscar the Grouch. Another cramp
decides it for me. Huming under my breath to provide a constant for
my thoughts, I start the long treck for the dock.
Each step is made more difficult as I walk with a tight ass to make
sure I don't lose it. Keep'em together cheeks, we are almost there.
Or I told myself that. Really, I wasn't even at the dock when the
first one struck. It felt very similar to when I got kicked in the
gut by Dawson when we were ten. I shit my pants then, I thought I
did now too.
Well there was something in my pants, it was wet, warm and wet.
Warm, wet, and it ruined a perfectly good pair of boxers! So much
for making it to Grams. The damage was already done, no need to keep
up the funny walk. Ignoring the way my clothes were now sticking to
my legs, I marched the rest of the way.
By the time I had reached the house, cold had seeped through my wet
pants and I was shivering. Now there was no option of going anywhere
else. Knocking on the front door, I was surprised to see it was Mr.
Brooks, not Grams that answered the door. He took one look at me,
with my hands under my arms and shivering, trying to stay warm, and
"Evelin, it's one of your strays." He put on his hat and started
out. "I'll see you tomorrow." I had to nearly jump to avoid being
run over by him. Ass.
I watched him go, silenting mimicking him. Gram's chuckle had me
turning back to the doorway. She was slightly flushed and her eyes
alight, so I didn't make a big deal about Oscar. "Can I use your
restroom?" No hi, how do you do, I was on a mission of the utmost
"Of course, Pacey." She moved to the side to let me pass. I slipped
in beside her and noticed when she wrinkled her nose. Through my
embarrassment, I knew she was too much a lady to mention it.
However, I wasn't. "I kinda had an accident on the way over." Giving
her a cheeky grin, I shot down the front room to the bathroom. Each
step slowly warmed up and I got squishy again, not a pleasant
experience, let me tell ya. By the time I had reached the bathroom,
I was quite ripe. Needless to say, it didn't take me long to divest
myself of my clothes. Of course upon seeing what was really in them
I am not afraid to admit it, I screamed like a little girl. You
would too if you saw blood in your undershorts. After that, it was a
logical conclusion what came next. If you were thinking I puked, you
were half right. I gagged, but apparently I have a good reflex
because nothing came up. So here I was bent over the toilet, bare
ass in the air with my shorts around my ankles, and in busts Grams.
She takes one look at my face, my shorts, my ass, my face again,
then frowns. It was not one of my best moments. Grams is a tough
woman, a real trooper as she puts. She figured out what was going on
Moving fast, she stepped over to the shower and put in the
plug. "Remove your clothes, I will wash them. You can take a hot
bath while you wait. I used to find it one of the best treatments."
To say I was confused was an understatement. "What do you mean?" I
took a moment to hold back on my gag reflex again, then cleared my
"It is nothing to be ashamed of, it is perfectly natural." I watched
in stunned silence as she knelt beside me. Tugging at the hem of her
shirt, her fingers twitched in thought. An emotion finally winning
out, she put a hand on my shoulder. "Pacey, it is okay."
"No, it's not okay, I am bleeding from my ass for no apparent
reason, how can that be okay? This isn't a normal everyday kinda
occurance for me!" I knew my voice had grown louder and higher
pitched, but I didn't care. Hysteria at something like this seemed
like a good idea.
"It will be, you just have to trust me on this, it is a very special
thing." I could tell this was upsetting her. Her lips tightened and
she spoke in a controled manner. "Just, trust me for now, and I will
try to explain it as delicately as possible."
"Why not tell me now?"
Giving me a look that said she meant business, she squeezed my
shoulder firmly. "This is news you will want to be comfortable for.
Now strip and climb in the bath. Put your clothes outside the door
before you climb in so I can wash them. I will set out a towel for
when you're through. Call me when you are dry." Standing up again,
her eyes keeping me from speaking, Grams gave what might have been a
comforting smile in other circumstances. Taking her hand back, she
turned around to the closet door. She took out a towel, then placed
it on the sink. Giving me another meaning filled look, she walked
The moment the door closed, I finally lost control and spewed in the
toilet. Yeah, I was shaking, feeling out of control. There were only
a few things I knew of that caused spontanious anal bleeding and
none of them pleasant. With grim determination on my side, I finally
finished and stood up. A few digusting burps and I knew the worst of
that was over. I was holding out little hope that Grams knew exactly
what she was talking about and that I wasn't sick. But the chances
of that in my opinion sucked.
But on the off chance, I decided to comply with her orders. Yes,
Grams ma'am. Not giving a damn if I tore anything, I quickly
stripped and threw the clothes out the door. Okay, so that was a
moment of childishness, but I was ready to bust out into tears
there. I kept alternating between being pissed off at the injustice
of it all, and wanting to cry because it was happening to me.
There was a strong spasm in my gut again, causing me to suck in a
breath too quickly. Coughing, I felt more blood run down my leg. Am
I disgusting you yet? Yeah, that retching feeling you are getting is
only a little of what I felt in that moment. And the smell wasn't
all too pleasant either.
Something struck me as familiar about the smell, but I was too busy
trying not to gag again to try and place it. I didn't dally anymore
after that, just plopped into the tub, sat back, and let the hot
water scald away my troubles. Sometimes a hot bath will do the
trick. Take now for instance, I was sitting there, letting my body
relax in a large white tub. It was comfortable.
As my body began to lose some of the tension, I decided to do a
mental check. Too many things were happening at once. If I was going
to find the sorce of this, I had to concentrait. I had to begin with
the first time I noticed irratic behaviour on my part today.
Well at lunch I got sick from the smell of the cafeteria food. Not
something that is uncommon, but still a little fishy. I had a
longing for something sweet today when I passed the Home Ec. room.
The smell of the sweaty jocks passing me in the hall after their gym
class popped into mind. There was just something about the memory.
Jo and I had been arguing again. She started in with her faces again
and I wasn't paying that much attention. Something had caught my
attention, more like the smell of someone. Jack's arm had brushed my
back and I remember wondering what it would have felt like to be
wrapped in them. Of course it had been immeadietly forgotten because
in that moment Joey had noticed I wasn't paying attention and
shrieked at me.
It took me a moment to realize what the sensation was when I had
smelled him. I may be a little dense, but I'm not completely
clueless. I had wanted Jack. Here was a startling revelation,
believe me. That I wanted to be with Jack in a more than friends way
had me feeling a little strange.
There were a few other instances. Almost every girl I usually like
to check out was suddenly the stupidest bitch I had ever seen.
Standing there, twirling their hair, making googlily eyes at boys,
how lame is that? Also, that the boys actually were stupid enough to
fall for it. The sun was too bright, the weather too cold, the desk
too hard. It just all combined to make a really shitty day. How
could I have not realized it?
Perhaps I was a little distracted, being president of the Joey
Potter Fan Club is a full time deal. She takes a lot out of a guy.
Now that I had time to think about it, she was there taking my mind
off everything that had been happening to me, and not in a good way.
Sitting in that tub, I realized just how much I resented Ms.
Grams knocked on the door, distracting me from my revelry. "How are
you doing in there, Pacey?"
"Just fine, Grams."
"Well all right, when you are ready to get out, call me." Her
retreating footsteps echoed through the wood of the house.
Talking to her brought back my attention to the matter at hand.
Looking down at the now brown tinged water, I knew that couldn't be
good. That is when you know it is real. Blood doesn't turn water red
like in the movies. It makes things a dark brownish color. The water
started to go cold so I decided to accept it was time to get out.
And then I waited probably another five minutes before I drew up the
nerve to get out. Standing up, the water sloshed down my legs and I
prayed it was just that and nothing more. I pulled the stopper on
the tub and climbed out. The water drained quickly, Grams evidently
does a better job at cleaning than I do.
Standing there in a puddle of water, toes curling and sticking out,
I grabbed the towel and wrapped it around my waist. Just in time
too, because in that moment the door opened and Jen busted in. The
dark tinge to her cheeks was an obvious sign she and Jack still
hadn't made up. And the narrowing of her eyes said I was about to be
caught in the cross fire.
Thinking quickly to distract her, I opened the towel and flashed
her. It did the trick, she paused mid breath. Of course, Grams
picked that exact moment to walk in. "Jennifer, I told you... Pacey!
Cover yourself this instant!"
And I did. Wrapped myself in the towel and walked out past the
flabbergasted Jen. Grams merely looked me with disapproval, but led
the way to the back bedroom. Once we are inside, she closed the door
and locked it. Moving through the room, she began. "Honestly, I
don't know who is worse, you are that grand daughter of mine."
"Well, that depends on what you are measuring us for. We both
qualify for first place in different fields." I tried to make light
of the situation which earned me a patented look of disapproval.
"That isn't funny, Pacey. You are in a serious situation."
"I'm sorry, this is just what I do." For the first time I felt like
apologizing for being me.
"No need to be sorry, you are who you are, don't change that fact
because someone else disapproves. Now lets see what we can come up
with for clothes. I am sure I have some of Jen's grand father's
clothes left over. They are draw string so they should fit just fine
for now." She began rummaging through the drawers. I would have
offered to help, but I was holding the towel tight and was feeling
less than comfortable.
That was not one of my best moments. Never let it be said Pacey
Witter went through life laughing from one moment to the next.
Funny, standing there in only a towel that barely covered the
essentials, freezing my ass off after being thrown out by my
girlfriend, and bleeding from my ass, I felt more at ease than I
ever once did around my father.
After about a minute, Grams stood up smiling in triumph. Holding out
a bundle of clothes she waited for me to take them. "Go on, you put
them on." It wasn't the clothes that made me hold back so much as
what was on them.
"What is this," I asked in a whisper. Looking from her face to the
stack and then back again, I tried not to make an even bigger fool
of myself. But right there, on top of the clothes in a decievingly
pink wrapper was what I hoped it wasn't.
"I am sure you know where it goes and how to use it. You have been
around women long enough that any mystery surrounding it should have
long evaporated." Frowning, she twisted and set them on the bed.
Grams closed her eyes, her soft breathing the only thing I heard in
the silence. "Pacey, there is no easy way to tell you this. I figure
it is best to just get it in the open. You are going through your
"Cycle? Cycle like what? Are you saying that bleeding from my ass is
going to happen regularly?" Towards the end my voice had raised to a
squeak. Hysteria works wonder for your already flagging manhood.
"Get a hold of yourself, Pacey. Your body is simply mensturating,
there is nothing to be concerned about." And there we have it folks,
Grams said the word no man wants to hear. Mensturating. She gave me
the look that says she is displeased with the situation as much as I
After taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and tried to calm
myself. It wasn't working all that well. But I am Pacey Witter, I
should be used to all the crap in the world happening to me. This
should just be another instance where I swallow my pride and just
Dealing meant having to bite my teeth against another spasm in my
gut, by then I was really starting to hate getting my period. And
see, I just accepted the fact that I was having a period. Oh boy,
not a good sign when you start accepting the abnormal as normal. It
is one of the first signs of shock.
I guess I must have gone into a state of shock because next thing I
knew, Grams was at my side, a hand on my shoulder. Her empathetic
look, which is different than a sympathetic by the frown, stared me
right in the face. "Do you need any help with this, Pacey?"
"Yeah, I kinda think I do. If I even start thinking about having to
wear a pad I am going to start freaking real quick." Trying for a
troubled laugh, it came out more a pained grunt. Damned cramps. I
clutched my stomach and hunched over while she guided me to the bed.
"You sit there, I'll help you get dressed." She pulled the stack on
the bed next to me. First to be picked up was the pad. Grams
unwrapped it then grabbed the boxers. After opening them, she held
them up for me to watch as she removed the plastic strip and applied
the adhesive side to the boxers. "It is very important you make sure
to center it just right. Any way off the mark and you will get
leakage. It might take you a while to get the hang of this, so I
suggest you carry extra boxers in your school bag."
"Sounds like you've had experience with this before."
"I learned from my own time and from those of my daughter and grand
daughter. Not that there was much to do in the case of Jen, she
coming to me already fully grown." Smiling, she held up the
boxers. "There, all ready."
I just stared at them. She couldn't really expect me to put them on.
"Please hurry, I do not wish to be changing the comforter in here."
Glancing down between my legs, I saw the towel was already spotting.
Damn it! Already, I was beginning to think in terms I had heard my
sisters use a thousand times. This can only lead to trouble.
Standing up, I grabbed the boxers from her and headed to the
bathroom off to the side.
I used the towel to wipe away any excess blood. After I was through,
I set it in the sink. Quickly, I slipped in to the boxers. The shape
of the pad was really weird against my legs, and when I had it
against my ass, it felt wrong. There was this wad of cotton between
my legs because I, a guy, was having his first period.
Looking in the mirror I expected to see someone else. This couldn't
be happening to me. God, please don't let this be happening to me. I
had never done anything wrong in my life aside from being a screw
up, so why was it happening to me?
The person in the mirror didn't even register as me. Blinking, I
tried to make it me again, but it didn't change. That wasn't me with
the shocked look; pale skin, wide eyes, slightly open mouth
breathing quickly and swallowing convulsively. Oh god, please, I
didn't do anything to deserve this!
But evidently, like my family, god seemed to have forgotten me. Not
that I have much use for a god, a goddess, or whatever there is out
there. Cause I'm me, and that's all I need. Me. Good ole Pacey
Witter. Numero Uno.
Still didn't change the fact I no longer was the person in the
And those weren't tears on my face either. Nope, just a little extra
moisture. I decided it was best to wash away any signs I had been
crying before going out. The water was cold, but it got the job
done. Instead of just the area around my eyes, my entire face was
After drying off, I walked over to the door. The movement of the pad
between my legs felt weird. I guess I was going to have to get used
to it. Somethings a person shouldn't have to, but then when was I a
Grams was waiting for me outside the bathroom door, her hands at her
sides holding the pants and shirt. "If you'd like, you can stay here
for the night. I'm sure Jennifer wouldn't mind..." She trailed off
giving me a searching glance. "What do you want to tell her? She is
going to want to know something, and I don't feel like lying to her
about it. If you wish, I will refuse to tell her anything, but you
know my policy on that."
"Yeah, I do, and it is probably best to tell her tonight, give her a
chance to get over the shock. I think I will stay. Thanks, Grams."
There wasn't much more to say. What does one say about it? Most
people would be freaking out about now. Speaking of which. "I gotta
question. Why aren't you calling for an exercist or something. I
mean I can't imagine this being an everyday occurance for you. Yet
some how I get the feeling you weren't as surprised as I was."
She handed me the clothes with a frown. "There are things about this
place that most people aren't aware of. What are normally strange
and fantastic occurances are not so much here." With raised
eyebrows, she took a deep breath and turned away. "Some people do
not like to discuss the past of our town, they believe it is best
left forgotten. Especially those who were most effected by it.
Then... an occurance like yours happens, and all the old memories
are dredged up."
I was floored. She was saying our town had a dark secret in its past
and it was the reason I was a... guy with a period. I could barely
speak, but I managed it. "Are you telling me there is a mystical
side to this."
"Heavens no." Okay, she was back to frowning, only this time it was
at me, not my situation. "About thirty years ago parts of Capeside
were turned into a toxic dumping ground for chemical treatment
facilities by accident. Birth defects rose that first year by eighty
percent, most of the effected infants dying within days. A lot of
people were paid hush money to keep it quiet while the companies
cleaned up their mess. But it was too late, the damage had already
"I hate to say this, but it was fortunate most of the souls who were
effected are now dead. Their suffering was terrible and we lost a
lot of good people. But their deaths meant the defects would not be
passed on. I know it is a terrible thing, but it is the truth, no
child should have to suffer for their parent's mistakes." Giving me
a sad smile, she place a hand to my cheek. "You are one of the lucky
"Yeah, now I can finally get out of gym class! Oh wait, I don't have
gym anymore, damn, too late for it to do me any good there." I tried
for a smartass grin, but her evil eye shot that down. "Look, I
understand it could have been worse, just, you know, its a little
much right now."
Patting my shoulder, she nodded and accepted my words as fact. "I'll
let you get some sleep. The door locks from the inside and I am the
only one who has the key for the outside. That should give you a
small measure of peace for tonight. I'll tell her what is happening
with you and make sure she does not bother you until tomorrow. After
the sun rises I can make no promises. Good night, Pacey, try to get
some sleep. I will see you in the morning."
On impulse, I wrapped her up in a big hug and held on tight. It took
a few minutes before I built up enough courage to let her go and
step back. She had an understanding look on her face as she turned
and walked out. I didn't move until I heard the snick of the lock
setting into place.
I felt suddenly alone and didn't want to be. Not that there was
anything anybody could do, I just wanted to feel like someone else
was in control of the situation, that it wasn't this wild, chaotic
force of events that threatened to blow my world apart. And I really
need to purge the Dawson Lexicon from my system, that kinda thinking
is not healthy.
I must have stood there for a good half hour before I gathered my
whits enough to move. There was too much involved to do anything
aside from going to bed. So after turning off the light switch, I
slowly made my way to the full sized bed and climbed under the
covers. That night sleep was a long time in coming, but I eventually
settled in. The next day would bring enough troubles, and I wasn't
sure I would be able to face them.
MORE TO COME