By Lopaka Tanu
Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly.
Warnings: Sexual Situations,
Author's Note: This is just an exercise in selfless control
for all us gutter rats. If I get something wrong, bite me! And yet, my friends
still say I am not kinky.
Summary: After Math of War Stories from
River's Point of View.
Dedication: To those who know me, and thus are
guilty by association.
believe he did it.
I sit here pondering the others, so many
pretty sparklies. Their minds make no sense, yet their hearts speak with a clear
voice. All has a place and mine is with hers.
Mother used to say,
"Dreams are flights of fancy for the weak." She never knew the truth, daddy did.
It is because of him I am free. For him I fly.
So he sits there
all alone, in need of comfort. Guess he really is not so different. Alone, he is
not. Another knows his pain, that one willing to share and ease the burden of
knowledge. They both know what has happened, and they both know this must
They all feel it, me even more so, though we know not
why. They say it is because I am different, but really I am still the same as
always, only free.
Flying is fun; you get to see things from a different
angle. Fly away little bird, fly fly little wing. Upon the winds, across the
oceans. To the shores of different minds.
He feels responsible
for it all, like it was his fault. She is always right. Together, they are
showing their gratitude. Inara is happy to accept.
Oh Simon, my
Simon, where fore art thou, Simon?
A drift on the wide ocean, my dear,
lost in my thoughts and fear.
But what does thou fear to be so lost?
Should I feel this way, am I truly this evil? If he lies upon me this
day, and I quake like the weevil, am I truly gay?
Yes, oh Simon, my
Simon, you are. Both evil and gay, but fear not, for hell shall not bar the way.
See you from heaven, I do, know you will be here too.
mess sits a faithless preacher and an earless pest. They share a duty, and a
secret. Longing in a heart made of stone, love in heart of glass. One hidden by
a mask, the other for all to see. Tonight they sit, watch the other, and know
there is something going... 'How long has this been goin' on...' His mind sings.
'Listen with your heart...' His mind rallies. Tonight they sit, and stare,
tomorrow? Who knows? Tomorrow is another day. Now that they know, perhaps theirs
is a chance.
So here I fly, upon the winds, up in the sky. The
sky is made of metal, and floats on the wings of a metal bug. *Crush you all, I
will crush you all!* No, mister bad man, you will not. I hear you. I know your
secrets. Fear me, you will all fear me when...
my eyes. She knows that I am listening, though she can not see my face.
"Do you feel it?"
"All the time."
"No, I mean the
captain and...how we almost lost him and Wash and... I can't explain. But you
know what I mean."
"Think it and I do." I smile a moment as she does. I
hear the siren's call of the flight, but must resist as long as possible.
"I have never felt so scared of losing someone."
close, I press a kiss to her forehead. She has been crying. "Feel not sad,
little heart. Fear not, for now all is as it should be, and so it will be for
She tenses, here it comes. "River, how do you do that?"
"I feel weird when you do that, like it means
something, but I can't place it." She looks up at my face, eyes wide with
curiosity. "What were you doing just a moment ago?"
"And this flying, did you do it in the cargo bay, you know, when you
shot those guys?"
"I see many things when I fly. I see things."
She has a look of confusion, but acceptance. Then places her head back
on my chest to resume crying. I held her when she came, when she cried out. I
held her when she lost her mind in grief. I held her when she feared me. I still
hold her. For no matter what, no matter whom we become, we still need to feel
close to someone.
"Sirens are singing, they want us to fly. Answer them
we must, and join them we shall."
She doesn't answer, just continues to
lie in my arms. It is all right; I do not require one from her lips, for I can
see it in her mind. Flying allows me to do that. That is what flying is all
When daddy let them set me free, he did not know what
they would do. Neither did they. Everyday, Simon comes closer to giving me back
my wind. When he does, I shall set loose my mighty wings and soar. From there, I
will do things to them, make them see what they do is wrong. Fear me, you will
all fear me when I am free.
For now I am content to ride the winds of
this metal bug. I shall be forever vigilant to he that means so much. I shall
hope he remains happy, for in love he will not always remain. For now he flies
with me, yet he does not see it. Instead of to the ground, his eyes are pointed
to the stars. But he will see, I will show him. He and I are alike, only father
did not set him free. When I am able to fly on the winds again, I will do it for
him. Then he will see, then he will know. Then they shall fear us both.
I know something is happening to River. Lately,
she has become better with reality. She even has a new friend in the ship's
mechanic, a sweet little girl. Batch number seven nine three six one failed to
restore balance to her mind, but there is increased brain wave activity. During
the monitoring of her mind, I can feel her eyes on me, like she can see
something in me that I cannot. Until now, I thought it was my preference, but
after last night I am not so sure. I... felt some thing. I believe she grows
stronger in whatever they wanted her for, which is a good thing. So why do I
- Simon Tam